Actual Definition: I feel badly about what I have done and promise not to do it again.
Bunch Definition: I know you won’t get mad at me when I give you these puppy dog eyes, but I don’t have any intention of stopping this behavior. I will probably apologize for the same thing tomorrow. And the next day.
Examples (this is just today, folks):
I’m sorry I left the milk carton out on the counter after breakfast and forgot about it until noon so it went bad and we had to throw it out…again. (repeat each day)
I’m sorry that I left my shoes in the middle of the living room so that you tripped over them while carrying the laundry. (repeat every hour)
I’m sorry I left the new bottle of shampoo open on the floor of the shower so it spilled out everywhere…but doesn’t the bathroom smell nice?
I’m sorry that instead of putting the clean clothes you folded for me away where they go, I stuffed them under my bed for a week and then threw them back in the hamper.
I’m sorry for leaving my trash/gum/melting popsicle on the leather seat of your new car.
I’m sorry that when I walked in to the house after school I dumped my coat, backpack and shoes in the front hall instead of putting them away. I had to go pee really bad! And I really MEANT to go back and pick them up after, but I forgot.
Actual Definition: I did not remember.
Bunch Definition: It was more convenient/easier/more fun not to remember, so I didn’t. I also am aware that you cannot blame me for the failings of my brain.
I forgot to watch the dogs, which is why they ate a dozen of the cupcakes you baked for my Valentine’s Day party and pooped on the carpet in the living room…the white carpet.
I forgot to pick up my toys in the yard before the snow storm even though you reminded me one hundred times. That’s why my bike, scooter, helmet and baseball glove are buried until spring.
I forgot to chew with my mouth closed. I know you tell me every single time we eat, and I know that dinner with your work friends would have been a good time to make a good impression…
I forgot about that rule – you know the one about doing my homework before watching TV? But this show IS educational…
I forgot to practice piano/dance/reading/basketball or whatever else I’m supposed to know how to do today…
Actual Definition: Although I have searched high and low for this item, it has disappeared and will never be found again.
Bunch Definition: It is exactly where I left it, but I’m too lazy to go find it.
Can I have my ipod back? You took it away last week when I forgot about the no ipods before homework rule and you never gave it back!! Oh…you did? You put it in my hand? And watched me start using it? Well, in that case, it’s lost.
I didn’t answer any of your text messages or phone calls today because my phone is lost!
Oh! My $500 retainer? Why aren’t I wearing it? Oh – because it’s lost.”
Get ready – here comes the grand finale…
I’m sorry I’m making everyone late, but I forgot to put my stuff where it goes so now my shoe/mitten/jersey/backpack/whatever-else-is-needed-to-get-out-the-door-before-we’re-even-later-than-we-already-are is lost!
And the curtain call:
I’m sorry I forgot to tell you that my social studies book is lost at school. And you owe them $71.53
Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011