OH $#!% Or, Why we Ate Dinner 45 Minutes Late

My husband plans his every move around what would make his family happy. He works hard to pay for soccer cleats, swimming lessons, IHOP Sunday breakfasts and my shoes. He is the first one there when dishes need to be done, laundry needs to be washed or there’s dog mess in the living room. Last summer, right after our wedding, my children and step-children summed it up just right while watching The Amazing Race.

*Facebook 8/28/10 Me: "Bill and I should totally be on this show-we would so win!"
Hannah: "Yeah! Bill can drive the car, run really fast and pick up the heavy stuff." Em:" AND he's good at directions!"
Me: "But what will I do? "
Brianna: "Well, you can just sit in the backseat and be pretty."
Well...they do have a point. (And, apparently, a pretty good idea of how my marriage works.)

This said, there are a few things I can do to show him how much we all appreciate what he does and bring a little smile to his face…

Bill likes to come home at 5:00 to a calm, clean, organized household where no one is screaming, biting or crying, and dinner is on the table. Some of this is downright impossible, and some it is just hard. Although I realize that my behavior after school is not evidence of my feminist upbringing, I love my husband and want him to be happy, so I do try to make his somewhat-unreasonable dreams come true. I fail almost every time. If you’re judging me right now, come over sometime - after you run around to 4 places picking up six children, bring them home, wrangle them out of the snowclothes and do their homework with them, then walk the dogs. Now you’ll have about 20 minutes left (if you’re lucky) to make dinner and get the kids cleaned up, settled and sitting at the table. Ready? Go!

There are obvious obstacles to Bill’s perfect walking-in-the-door moment. Sometimes people are late, sometimes kids have fights, fall down, need homework help, lose the dogs or puke. Sometimes, though, the problem is me. Last Tuesday was the Girl Scout Cookie Money Due Date. This is the day when 13 little girls turn in their approximately $7000, mostly in ones, to the troop leader - yours truly.

*Facebook 9/12/10: Could someone please rewind time to the minute right BEFORE I volunteered to be the Girl Scout Troop Leader? Then push pause and yell at me until I hang up the phone.

Then it is my esteemed pleasure to count, recount and count again until I make the number of dollars in my living room add up to the number of boxes times 4 This almost always ends in me writing a check…

On this night, I was working in the living room and was determined to finish the project AND have dinner on the table at 5:00. I occasionally glanced up at the digital clock in front of me to be sure I had enough time left. I plowed through the work and was excited when the difference finally came within $20 and I could write a check and be done with the whole thing. Around this time, I heard Bill come into the kitchen - I’m home!

I’m sure Bill was not expecting or hoping for “OH *&%$” as his greeting when he arrived home after a long day of work, but that is what he got. It turns out that the “digital clock” I was glancing at absentmindedly was actually the cable box. The children had been watching channel 441 the day before. Lost in Girl Scout Cookie money, I had completely failed to notice that the time wasn’t changing, and in fact wasn’t even the time. I had not started dinner, the house was a mess, the dogs were missing and the children were screaming at each other in the playroom. But the cookie money was done…

Bill and I, as usual, rolled with the punches and made dinner together. We laughed about it during dinner and I promised myself I’d do better next time…Stay Tuned.

….Next Time (the Ash Wednesday Chicken Dinner story)

© Jody Hoffman 2011

Comments

[Nike shox]

You're fantastic! Just like my idol oh I love your luo.........

[missy]

Sounds about right.

[Pat]

I laughed out loud just imagining the scene. Happens also when you put your watch on upside down and then can't find your glasses.

[SLB]

Actually Sandy, hers is a whole different universe of talent! Humor and the ever-present positive attitude, especially in the face of never-ending chaos, set her apart from anyone I know. And wait til you see what she wants to give up for Lent!

[Sandy]

Can't wait to hear the story of the nice Jewish girl and Ash Wednesday. Did you give up something for lent? This sounds like the making of a 21st century Erma Bombeck...more please! Clearly literary talent runs in the family.