I Told You So

I have a 12-Year-Old.  I think that should be a badge that parents of preteen boys should get to wear to explain their behavior: pulling out their hair, talking to themselves on the street, drinking Pina Coladas at noon…

This is especially true on vacation.  We are currently spending a month at my parents’ house in Boston.  Last week I took my 12-Year-Old (and his siblings) to New York City to visit Manhattan Sister and her husband who live there.  By the time we left, I felt like Debbie Reynolds on Will and Grace  doing the "I Told You So Dance."

  

Before we left Boston, I asked my 12-Year-Old to pack himself a hat and a sweatshirt.  As we prepared to head out for our first Manhattan adventure, he complained that he was cold and wished he had long-sleeves.  “Well, go back inside and get your sweatshirt,” I directed.  “I left it at home.”  “Didn’t I tell you to pack a sweatshirt, or else you would be cold in the morning?” [Insert 12-Year-Old Shrug and Whatever-Face here.  Moms of 12-Year-Olds, you know what I’m talking about.] 

I bit my tongue.  I took a deep breath.  I counted to ten.  I didn’t say it.

But I thought it:

I told you so.

As we walked out into the Upper-West Side, I suggested to my 12-Year-Old that it would be a good idea to leave his ipod Touch in his pocket, since he had ignored my previous suggestion to leave the thing at home.  I was worried that something would happen to it if he kept taking it out in the city.  Around noon, he accidentally dropped it on Columbus Avenue and shattered the screen.

I told you so.

Later that afternoon, the New York sun was beating down on us as we wandered through a street fair munching hot pretzels and hot dogs, looking at knock-off purses and sundresses.  My 12-Year-Old pointed at a baseball cap display.  “I’m really hot, mom.  I wish I had a hat.”  “Didn’t you pack one like I said?”  [Shrug.  Face]

I told you so.

Somewhere in the middle of the day, my 12-Year-Old’s phone battery ran out.  “Why did it run out so early today?” I asked.  “Because I left my charger at home so I didn’t charge it last night.”  “Didn’t I tell you to pack that?”

I told you so. Told you so.  Told you, told you, told you so.

At Pier 25 my 12-Year-Old thought he was too old for the playground, so he decided to climb over walls instead.  “Look out!  If you keep doing that you’re going to…”

 I…told you so.

By the time we were ready to head back to the apartment for the evening, my son had a stomachache (I told you not to eat so many pretzels) and a sunburn (I told you to put sunscreen on your ears).  As we walked down into the subway to catch the train, he was jumping around and sliding on the banister.  “If you keep messing around then…” I fell down the last three steps and landed on my ass.  Maybe I should tell myself to pay attention on the steps too.

My 12-Year-Old and my brother-in-law could not contain their laughter.  Okay.  That was funny, but I’m still right.

As we returned to the lobby of Manhattan Sister's apartment, my 12-Year-Old, who knows how we feel about responsibility and listening to directions, asked a very poorly timed question.

“Hey Mom, you know how 14 year olds can have a driver’s license in South Dakota? “

“Yes…I’m aware of this…”

“Well, then in two years, which car do I get?”

See?  The badge would’ve been really helpful at that moment.  If everyone in the lobby KNEW I had a 12-Year-Old, then they wouldn’t have looked at me so funny when I completely lost my mind!

I told you so.

 

 © Jody Hoffman 2011

 

Comments

[Jane Mosher]

Jody, this is a classic. But don't count on 18 years unless you are very strong-minded, and that I know you are. Had a call this morning from granddaughter--I get almost one a day. "Help! Baby just projectile vomited!" Time to bite my tongue, right?

[Lori (Lola)]

12 year olds rock, don't they? I LOVE the eye roll more than anything else. Personally, if I were my kid? I'd do what I (Mom) said the first time just to make me (Mom) shut the hell up. By the way, I can't believe you are raising SIX kids! I salute you! No, I bow down to you! Better yet? Let me refill your wine glass for you!

On another note, thanks for putting my button here! I really appreciate it!

[Melanie Bradish]

Hilarious! I especially love the photo posted at the end! Did he take that himself?!

[Jody Hoffman]

Oh Vanita, we should definitely have some tequila! (although I do prefer rum...) Your comments about 12 year old girls are not particularly comforting as in a few years I will have 3 OF THEM!!! I did, at one point, sharpie my then-3-year-old when he was attending his first preschool field trip! I'd like to think I've grown, but I'd probably do it again if Bill would let me.

[Vanita]

Trust me Darlin' 12 year old girls are no bloody better. Also? 13 year old girls and 14 year old girls stink too. Bloody tweens/teens. They SWEAR they know EVERYTHING and we're too old to know better and we're cramping their style. Style? What style? I still pick out your clothes and pay for them. And that shrug and face make me bonkers. you and i need to have tequila shots at lunch!

[Marthamormon]

AWESOME!!! Just wait til he turns 13! I'm thinking on Sunday I will bring my scrapbook of him and Josh when Your 12-Year-Old was only about 12 days old! Of course, he'll probably just shrug and roll his eyes...

[Jess Norman]

Love your blogs, Jody!!! Always read them first thing in the morning!!! Hope your vacation is going well!!!

[Jody Hoffman]

Sandy, Thank you for your kind words. That is exactly how I hoped my stories would be received. I think we all need to find the humor in parenting - after all, we're all in it together (and for about 18 years)!

[Sandie Owen]

I so look forward to each entry in this blog. You have a talent at bringing the human condition of family life up front and personal and I am sure the reality check helps all that read this blog get through the day knowing they are not alone when they relate to one or more events.

[Pat]

LOVE the video insert! And just the right amount of time - short and sweet!