Another Silver Lining

* Facebook - In the past 4 days, my husband has installed a ceiling fan, an invisible fence and a doggy door. I think he's worried that if he stops moving, he might disappear. Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining, I'm just wondering how many more walls he will cut through before he takes a break.

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m excited for school to start again. Excited? I’m not sure that’s the word. You see, the school year means complete insanity for our family. We are a wake-up-at-5-am, keep-going-till-9-pm, figure-out-how-to-sit-down-together-for-10-minutes-for-dinner kind of family. Last year we had kids in 4 different schools and almost 20 different after-school programs, activities and sports. Basically, we spent all of our time running around like chickens with our heads cut off.

So no, I’m not really looking forward to it. Don’t get me wrong – I love being a teacher. It is just a difficult transition from the summer!

And what a summer it has been:

My children were at their dad’s house for seven whole weeks this summer. That is the longest I’ve ever been away from them. I missed them like crazy, but the summer took some interesting turns because of that. First of all, Bill was working from home, so he was with me for the whole summer. We spent every minute together for weeks on end.

And I still like him!

But the really big deal about this summer was Bill’s kids. Last year I moved to South Dakota and into this house, and walked blindly into the role of Step-Mother. All I knew of step-mothers were the wicked ones in every fairy tale and I was determined to be better than that. There’s no book to read to learn how to be a step-mom. I made somes mistakes. I cried sometimes. I mean, I didn’t feed anybody any poison apples, but I was clearly winging it.

But this summer something amazing happened. We changed Bill’s kids’ schedules in June. Now they spend an entire week at our house and then an entire week at their mom’s. It has been an unbelievable difference! We’ve all been able to spend so much more quality time together. We’ve been able to settle into routines, have a structure to our days.

We spent a lot of time on the boat fishing and tubing, and also at the waterpark:

How to get a Gabby-shaped tan line

Levi and I have become closer. He is a Daddy’s Boy 100 percent, but as he told me this summer, “Dody, I decided I like you.” That was worth the wait! We have long conversations about race-cars and marshmallows and I think I sealed the deal with him when I took him to see the new Cars movie…in 3D.

*Facebook - Levi just asked me to go tubing with him. I am possibly more excited by this 4-year-old's invitation than I was by my prom date's.

But Brianna and I had the biggest changes of all. When I moved in, I know it was difficult transition for her. She had been the “woman of the house,” and I was taking time with her dad away from her. It’s been a long, bumpy road, but it seems we’ve come out the other end as friends. Last week we went shopping, had pedicures, baked cupcakes and scrapbooked together. We genuinely enjoyed each other’s company and she smiled more than I’ve ever seen her smile before. When my children were not around, I was able to see more clearly what Brianna needed from me. She didn’t need another mother. She already has a great one of those. She certainly didn’t need another person telling her what to do. What she needed was undivided attention and to feel like I cared and listened to her. I had ample time this summer to work on that. Now she sees me as a good shopping buddy, (especially when she wants something her dad would say no to), and a good bet if you’re looking for someone to say yes to late night baking projects or pedicure sessions. I think she’s starting to appreciate my fashion sense and is definitely looking forward to the time when she can borrow my shoes. She sees me as a person willing to watch every ridiculous Disney movie and know all the names, and once she even saw me as the “Fairy Step-Mother,” when I made a special wish come true. Mostly, she sees that I’m someone who loves her, loves her Daddy, and is here to stay.

Now that we’ve had a chance to develop our “step-relationship” outside of the craziness of school and with plenty of time for undivided attention, we will need to move into the next phase – my kids are coming home and school is starting up. I will need to work extra hard to show Brianna that I’m still that movie-going, pedicure giving, shopping buddy that loves her and is there for her. I’m sure I’ll continue to make mistakes, and neither one of us is done shedding tears. But I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I thought that being away from my own children for the whole summer would be unbearable, but Brianna was able to show me the silver lining. (I’m sure she gets that from her dad.) Maybe while I was trying to give Brianna what she needed this summer, she was doing the same for me.

Comments

You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Aw, I'm so glad things are working out! Having never had an experience with step parents or being a step parent, I cannot really relate other than saying how hard I imagine it would be. It sounds like you've had the chance to establish your role as that this summer. I'm sure the transition into crazy schedules won't be easy, but perhaps it will be more manageable and maybe more smooth because of the relationships you were able to cultivate this summer.
Here's to hoping! :)

Posted by: Stephanie | 08/15/2011 at 07:53 AM