Messages from a 12-Year-Old

I went to an all-day meeting last week  Before I left, I reviewed the house rules: don’t hit, don’t bite, don’t scream, don’t make messes, don’t answer the door to strangers, don’t eat only chocolate all day long.

 

Then I reviewed the “contact rules.”  These rules are in place specifically so that my kids don’t call me in the middle of the meetings with “emergencies” such as: “I can’t find my book,” and “Emily is making fun of my body spray.”  The rules are basic.

 

Call if you have an emergency.

A real emergency.

No, your brother stealing your favorite toy is not an emergency.

An emergency involves blood, vomit or fire. 

 

If you call me to tattle, you are all grounded.

 

If you just have a question, text me.

 

I should have revised that last one.  It should have been if you have an IMPORTANT question, text me.  Then, perhaps, I should have defined “important” as well.

 

This is the text message conversation I had with my son today, during the meeting:

 

Can I use the computer?

$*jacked up camaro*$

Is the house clean?

 

Yea

$*jacked up camaro*$ 

    What is $*jacked up                                                                                                  camaro*$?

 

It’s my signature

$*jacked up camaro*$

 

What does it mean?

 

idk

$*jacked up camaro*$

$*Why is your signature something

that you don’t understand?*$

 

idk

$*jacked up camaro*$

 

Can I play the wii?

$*jacked up camaro*$

If you change your signature 

so that it isn’t stupid? 

$*You don’t know what it is*$

 

K

$*Poned*$     

What is poned???

 

It means like dissed      

$*Poned*$

(Pause for some research)                  

"Actually, according to Urban

Dictionary, it means: Something

the Jonas Brothers messed up.

Poser lingo for the internet slang

word 'pwned' as in being owned

or disgraced by someone else.

EX: 10 Year old Jonas Brothers Fan:

Omg like you got poned."

 

Oh.  Can I watch fast 5?

$*jelly beans*$         

no.

 

Can I go to the movies?

$*just do it*$

no.

 

 

Can I hang out with Matt?  

$*Mom is cool*$

yes.

$*well played*$

 

Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011

Comments

[SLB]

Yes, well played.

[melanie]

Laughing loudly in line at Starbucks... That was hilarious! Now all these people think I'm crazy, but it's worth it!