All of our weeks are busy. But this one is taking the cake - (literally, there are two cakes to be made…) In the space of seven days, I am supposed to work full time, plan and organize two birthday parties, hold parent-teacher conferences, attend a two-day volleyball tournament, host an extra-credit after-school activity for my students, and get ready for a spring-break trip out of town. Seems doable, right? Oh! And also parent six kids.
Bill and I were having a “calendar meeting.” You know, where I get the planner and a notepad and he gets… a grumpy look on his face? Wine helps. (Not him – he’s still grumpy, but the wine helps me not notice.)
We were outlining who would do which pick up, drop off and parent-teacher meeting. (See, I’m required to be the teacher most of the time, but occasionally I get to be the parent! One really weird time last year, I was both for Sam.) The calendar meeting was going fairly smoothly until Bill reminded me that he had a business trip and would be gone for four days. Ok. I can work with this. I’m sure I can handle this on my own. Except for the part where I have to be in six places at the same time. But no worries, that only happens four times this week. [*Pours another glass of wine.]
A few hours later, I was feeling confident that I could handle the demands of the week on my own, and was finished making my 10,000 to-do lists so that I wouldn’t forget to buy poster board for Sam’s history project, make an artist palette and veterinarian badge for the girls’ career day at school, and buy milk and cake mix.
Then the news came on, predicting the biggest storm of the year to hit on Tuesday afternoon…and continue through Wednesday night. Um… hmmm… Ok. I can live through this too. If it is really so bad that I can’t drive over the snow in the driveway, then school will be closed and I can just stay home, right? Maybe then I’ll even get a blog post written. Forget the wine. I’m moving on to rum.
Then the doctor called.
Could we please bring Gabby down to Sioux Falls for the day? On Monday. He’s sure we’ll be out of there by 6pm…meaning we just have to figure out what to do with the other five kids for an entire day, in a different city.
You may have noticed that I took a little time off from the blog there for a minute. It was sort of on purpose and sort of not-on-purpose-but-actually-because-the holidays-were-a-little-overwhelming-and-I-sorta-lost-track-of-time.
It is an interesting feeling to take time off from something you love and enjoy. I love writing and look forward to writing stories for the blog. (It is possible that I look forward to writing because I know it happens after the kids go to sleep…) But I didn’t hate not writing for a few weeks. Sometimes you have to miss something to appreciate it, I guess.
Of course, writing isn’t the only thing I had to take some time off from over the holidays. This being their father’s Christmas, my kiddos flew to his house on Christmas Eve and didn’t return until January 2. Bill’s kids, in turn, spent the 10 day vacation at their mom’s house. I love my kids. All of them. But I also didn’t hate not waking up at 6am for a few days.
Bill and I noticed that right before the holidays, parenting becomes a bit of an uphill battle. (Like climbing Mt. Everest in a blizzard wearing flip flops.) We were faced with our normally well-behaved (ish), controlled (just go with it), polite children’s increasingly ridiculous behavior. We knew that given the constant influx of sweets and gifts, their behavior was normal. We were worried that if we continued to discipline and correct behaviors the way we usually do, that we would regret not having just enjoyed our children during their last week with us.
We made an irrational, unprecedented decision. We stopped parenting.
That’s right. We threw out bedtime. We watched movies as a family all cuddled up on the couch on a school night! We didn’t make them pick up their junk. We didn’t do dishes. In fact, we didn’t cook – (the real meaning of restaurant week). We ate dessert even when broccoli was still on the plate. We loved and hugged and played games.
We didn’t tell the kids we were taking some time-off from parenting. We just did it. At first, I think they thought they were getting away with something. The big kids slowly realized something was up, but something crazy happened: It was as if they realized they were being given a gift and were scared they’d lose it. So they were unbelievable well behaved. It was probably the best week we’ve ever had as a family. Messy house, dirty dishes, late for school, but focused on fun and family.
When it was time to let them go, we were ready. We kissed them goodbye, loaded them into minivans and airplanes and tried not to cry as they drove and flew away.
Then we took a little time-off of our own. We spent the week pretending to be grown-ups. (This worked really well until we turned to each other in the middle of a club on New Year’s Eve at 2am and shouted, “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE STILL AWAKE!” “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE STILL AWAKE” )
When all the kids finally came back last week, we wanted to make a special afternoon for them. Unfortunately, we live in a tiny town that was not prepared for our plans. The pool was closed. The bowling alley was closed. The roller skating and ice skating rinks were closed. There weren’t any movies playing they hadn’t already seen. All they wanted to do was go to Chuck E Cheese.
Chuck E Cheese is two and a half hours away.
Good parents would know better than to drive two and a half hours each way on a school night. Good parents would have calmly explained why that wasn’t a choice.
We took just a tiny bit more time-off from “good” parenting and drove those kids down the interstate to Chuck E Cheese. Yes, that means they went to bed at 10pm on a school night and yes, the next morning was a complete and total disaster, but those were some pretty happy (albeit exhausted) kids. That’s how we like ‘em. Tired and happy.
New Year’s Resolutions? We’re gonna take a little more time off. Between ice skating lessons, archery club, volleyball, Girl Scouts, basketball, swimming lessons and Bar Mitzvah training, it will be hard to do in the next few months, but amid all this chaos, we will find time to make sure those kids are tired and happy.
Besides the fact that we move holidays around until they fit our schedule, our family also does some other things that are less-than traditional during the month of December. Like cook latkes while listening to Christmas music. Or play a lively game of dreidel after enjoying a Christmas dinner of ham… Here’ our weekend: Since our kids will all be with their other parents on Christmas (and therefore the second half of Hanukah) this year, we started celebrating while most people were still working off their Thanksgiving dinner. After all, in order to pull off the presentpalooza that we call December each year, we need a little extra time!
We have certain traditions that we are trying to establish with our blended family. On Christmas Eve, for example, all six kids receive a pair of matching pajamas. This is mostly so that we have gorgeous matching photos for our scrapbook, but also just puts everyone in a festive (and tired?!?) mood. We have a new tradition for this year – I inherited my grandmother’s nutcracker collection a few years ago and the children have loved laying them all out on the mantel each year. This year we all decided it would be fun to add to the collection each year with a themed nutcracker from something we did in the past year. Hanukah, of course, has its own traditions, one of them being that on the fourth night, everyone opens new clothes as their gift.
All of this collided nicely last Friday night when it was both our fourth night of Hanukah as well as our Christmas Eve. It was a wonderfully ridiculous combination of traditions and religions. First we lit the candles on our menorah in the dining room on our Hanukah-themed tablecloth with dreidels hanging from our chandelier.
Then we moved to the kitchen where we had prepared our traditional Christmas Eve dinner, “Try-not-to-set-anyone-on-fire,” or “Fondue” as it is known to the general public. Brianna pointed out that because we were cooking the meat in oil, this “totally counts as a Hanukah dinner too.” Yup, it does.
After fondue, we went back to the dining room and the children opened their fourth-night (clothes night!) Hanukah gift. It was, of course, Christmas Pajamas! Just go with it.
They donned their Christmas apparel and reconvened in the kitchen for the red and green chocolate fondue dessert and then we headed to the living room for gifts. To commemorate our New York City Trip from last January, we gave them a New York, New York Nutcracker, complete with an Empire State Building replica as well as a Broadway ticket. They loved it, and gave him a place of honor over the fireplace, between the Swedish Chef Nutcracker and the Red Sox Championship Nutcracker.
The next morning was, well, nighttime. At 3am, they started knocking on the door, wondering when we could go downstairs. By 4am they were using the dogs as an excuse saying that Alice and Brady just HAD to go out right now. At 6am we gave in and stumbled down the stairs, pausing just long enough to hit the start button on the coffee pot before we arrived in the living room packed with gifts from Santa.
We had a lovely day together as a family, trying out all of their new toys and picking wrapping paper out of every nook and cranny of our home. That evening, we lit the candles again for the fifth night of Hanukah – and then had a lovely ham dinner for Christmas.
The fifth night of Hanukah is game night, so we spent the rest of the evening playing Jenga, Cooties, Beat the Parents, and – of course- dreidel (which, I’m fairly certain, they only put up with because it ends in chocolate).
The next morning we prepared for a Hanukah party at our home. We fried latkes and made homemade donuts for our friends. We had been channeling Christmas music through Pandora all weekend so I decided to try the Hanukah station instead for a change. After about 30 minutes, I realized that Pandora thinks that all Jewish people are deaf and boring, so we switched back and I merrily sang Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree while flipping latkes and rolling donuts in powdered sugar. I will also admit to decorating with Hanukah confetti while whistling Justin Beiber’s Mistletoe – What’s “Ima Bee?” I will never know. But Gabriella thinks he is her boyfriend, so we put up with him.
Last night after candles for the seventh night, (and no presents because on the seventh night we give presents to someone from the angel tree in the mall – a tradition inspired by my parents) we went to the local nursing home. The children’s piano teacher met us there and helped the children pick out Jingle Bells, We Three Kings and Silent Night on the piano for the residents. Afterword, we picked up eggnog milk shakes and drove around to look at the Christmas lights.
Tonight we’ll light the candles for the eighth night as most people are lighting their first, and on Thursday we’ll send our kids away to spend the rest of the holidays with their other families. Hopefully, after living through our mixed-up, jumbled, chaotic, intermingled-interfaith presentpalooza, our kiddos will not just walk away with electronics and full tummies, but also an appreciation of the traditions of their siblings…and of course, a big ole’ stocking full of love – enough to last until New Year’s when we get them all back!
So you know how the school won’t let your kid go back to school the next day if they had a fever or threw up at school the day before? I’ve learned to embrace this rule. Here’s why: the result of the rule is that today I have 6 hours where 5 kids are at school and 1 kid is “resting” and I’m not ALLOWED to go to work. Genius. You might think I used this time productively.
You’d be wrong.
So, in a deliberate and fantastic act of procrastination, I have created a list of all the things I SHOULD have done today. Enjoy. I’m going back to Pinterest.
The Should-a List
What I should have done: Cleaned the bathroom and organized the medicine cabinet.
What I actually did: Carried the cleaning products to the bathroom, got distracted and sat on the bathroom floor painting my toenails.
What I should have done: started baking holiday cookies for the mailman, piano teacher, etc.
What I actually did: Make elf donuts based on a photo I found onPinterest.
Oh no...what's wrong with my mother?
What I should have done: The dishes
What I actually did: Arrange the dirty dishes so they took up less space.
What I should have done: The Wii fit, or some sort of work out.
What I actually did: Hire a personal trainer that I may or may not actually meet up with next Tuesday. (Any encouraging text messages at 3:40 on Tuesday will be accepted.)
What I should have done: Vacuuming
What I actually did: Make 28 pretend snowglobes with my daughter and decide that the fake snow all over the dinning room floor was festive.
What I should have done: Organized my closet.
What I actually did: Make up new outfits on Polyvore (Oy! How the internet kills my productivity!) and then try to figure out where to buy all the cool scarves I loved.
What I should have done: Scrapbook the 10,000 photos of my own children that are sitting on my desk.
What I actually did: Take 151 photos of my friend’s baby in a bucket of Christmas ornaments, sleeping under the tree and playing with Christmas lights.
What I should have done: Planned meals for the week, including tonight
What I actually did: Googled 10 minute/3 ingredient meals. Then Googled Pizza Hut coupons. (That stinkin’ Internet again!)
What I should have done: Cleaned up my kids’ rooms.
What I actually did: Shut their doors.
What I should have done: Read an intellectual book or something that would further my career.
What I actually did: Read the latest issue of Cosmo that came automatically to my Nook, and then three chapters of Tina Fey’s Bossy Pants.
What I should have done: Corrected papers.
What I actually did: Left the papers at school yesterday when I flew out of there yesterday to pick up my sick kid.
What I should have done: Made homemade soup for my sick kid.
What I actually did: Make her soup out of a can. Then make her hot chocolate. From a packet. Pretty sure she didn’t notice.
What I should have done: Planned a cute outfit in which to greet my husband when he arrived home from a week-long business trip. (At least that's what I should have done according to the Pinterest list of "101 Things You Should Be Doing For Your Husband.")
What I actually did: throw on lip gloss, earrings and a bra when I heard his truck pull into the driveway.
What I should have done: Spent time figuring out why my living room is so much colder than the rest of my house.
What I actually did: Snuggle under a blanket with my “sick” kid.
What I should have done: Update my address book so that I won’t get so many returned Christmas Cards next year.
What I actually did: Spend an hour on facebook chatting and stalking relatives and friends before remembering to actually message them asking for their addresses.
What I should have done: Get the heck off of the computer.
What I actually did: Write this story. While sipping hot chocolate (from a packet). Under a blanket in the living room with my “sick kid.” In my sweatpants. With undone dishes and unvacuumed floors. While enjoying elf donuts.
Oh, who am I kidding? It is freakin' insane over here. Read ANY of the posts from the past year and you'll figure out why there's no new one today! I'll write you a new one for next week as soon as I'm done supervising homework and piano lessons, decorating 82 cupcakes, writing lesson plans and figuring out why the stupid dog won't go outside. Oh! And shoveling the snow.
Our family blends the best of many worlds, and it is never more clear than during the month of December. Emily and Hannah have a birthday in December. This month they will turn 10 at an ice skating birthday party. We also celebrate Hannukah, still new to Brianna, Gabby and Levi, during this month. In addition, we have already established traditions for Christmas Eve and Santa will visit Christmas morning. Just as you’re starting to think this is sounding a little insane, get this – this year, since all of our children are going to their other parents’ this holiday, we have to put this whole extravaganza of celebration on the fast track – and be finished with all of it by December 17! Present Palooza.
Here’s how we’re rolling: First of all, as I write this, it is November 25, Black Friday, and all of my holiday gifts are purchased, wrapped, and if necessary, shipped. We have devoted an entire guest room to presents – 8 nights + 2 birthdays + Christmas x 6 = I.N.S.A.N.I.T.Y. I used a different wrapping paper for each night and each event so that I’d have a chance of figuring out what goes to whom and when…
This, of course, was successfully completed through the use of a complicated, color-coded Excel spreadsheet with dates, costs and wish lists. Go ahead, make fun of my ridiculous organizational strategies, but I bet you’re not done with all of YOUR shopping, now are you?
The lists themselves were a bit on the crazy side, ranging from requests from Sam for billion dollar electronics to Brianna’s wish-list item: a fleece blanket…made by Me. Oh, okay. Because I totally know how to do that. Thank goodness for the fabric department lady at Hobby Lobby! (I did it. But, by accident, I have created a blanket that I’m fairly certain will cover her and 10 of her closest friends. But it’s got peace signs on it, so I think it will be ok.)
My husband “cheerfully” tagged along on all of my shopping trips (at least the one’s he knows about) and even took me to the “big city” for a weekend to find the things I couldn’t get in my small town or order online. That is if by “cheerfully” we mean “frowns as he hands over the credit cards, but doesn’t actually complain out loud,” and if by “big city” we mean “a town with more than 3 stores in the mall and an Olive Garden.”
So how are we going to control the extra chaos of Present Palooza this year? Don’t fret, I have a plan.
Birthday Plan:
The girls are having a party NOT in my home. Because who are we kidding? I can often pull off a pretty good home birthday party, but not when I have to celebrate 87 holidays in 12 minutes. In a blessed turn of events, the ice skating rink was open on the right day and in an even more blessed turn of events, the girls want cupcakes instead of their usual three-tired monstrosity of a cake. One gift each, invitations printed from the computer and a pre-season Gap sale on fleece scarves (plus a 50% off coupon) for party favors. Add hot chocolate and some festive winter-themed plates – Ta dah! Birthday for two. Check.
Hannukah is a tad bit more complicated, because of the length, but also because the schedule we’ve had to work out has Hannukah and Christmas overlapping…
So: Hannukah Night 1 – The “Big” present. Something they really want, but not the big surprise – you know the one Mommy and Daddy said “no” to but is probably coming later? Not that one. (That one we save for Santa so we don’t have to over-rule ourselves.) This night is also the first appearance of Latkes, dreidles and homemade donuts.
Hannukah Night 2 – Giving to Each other. The kids made stained glass dreidels, menorahs, cats, planets and, in one case, shoes and then “wrapped” them to give to each other on night 2. They also sent these crafts to aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents in other parts of the country. You’re welcome family. I know what you have always wanted is a see-through green cat to hang in your window. And yes, I am fairly certain that the children will be asking to see them the next time they visit.
Hannukah Night 3 – Family Game Night. On this night, we add to our growing collection of board games and then play together.
Hannukah Night 4 – Skyping with East Coast Grandparents. The presents are exchanged through the mail and then we watch each other open gifts and light the candles together!
Hannukah Night 5 – Skyping with Manhattan Sister and Uncle New York. See Hannukah Night 4, but with more screaming.
Hannukah Night 6 – Clothes! The sixth night has always been clothes, but this year it is also going to be our “Christmas Eve.” So, this year on the sixth night of Hannukah, the kids will open matching Christmas jammies. Just go with it.
Then we skip a night, because it is “Christmas.” Hopefully Santa will not notice that most of my kids are on the naughty list and they will have a lovely morning opening all the things I already said “no” to.
The next night we will have the give-to-others night. On this night, we light the candles at dinner time, but we don’t open presents. Instead, we have donated gifts to children from the Angel Tree at the mall. I’m not sure that the little ones understand anything more than NO PRESENTS?!?! But the big kids get it.
Finally, we’ll wrap up with book night – the last night of Hannukah. Many of the themed nights of Hannukah stem from traditions from my childhood, and this is no exception. Everybody gets a book, some snuggling and reading, and most importantly, more homemade donuts.
Logistically, we have it all worked out: Christmas takes place in the living room, because that’s where the tree goes. Hannukah takes place in the dining room, because Jewish holidays are mostly about eating.
We have lights outside, but they’re white (and pink(!) because my husband loves me THAT much) and we play Christmas music because it’s beautiful. We eat latkes and donuts, but also French fries, because as long as it’s fried in oil, it counts.
I guess what we’ve decided is that it doesn’t matter that some of us are Catholic and some of us are Jewish. It doesn’t matter that our children will probably be the most spoiled hellions on the block after 9 days and nights of presents plus a birthday party. It doesn’t matter that we don’t follow every rule exactly right and it doesn’t even matter that we have total disregard for the actual DATE of things (see our Early Thanksgiving Story from mid-November). The important thing is that we’re all together. And presents.
Here’s the thing: Living 2,000 miles away from your sister totally sucks. But if you’re lucky enough to have a sibling like I do, then it sucks less. Last weekend, Manhattan Sister, her husband Uncle New York and my East Coast Parents all flew out here for an early Thanksgiving celebration. (Because let’s face it, it is WAY easier for them to drag their butts out here to South Dakota than it is for us to drag the butts of 6 children all the way back to Boston or New York City.)
From the moment they walked in the door, the giggling never stopped. All six kids attacked them and hung on for dear life. Within seconds they had created personal jokes: “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he got runned over!” “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had CHEEEESE for dinner.” I’m fairly certain that even the creators of these “jokes” did not understand what was making them funny, but that didn’t stop them from rolling on the floor laughing every time they were repeated (ad nauseum).
The girls were learning a special song for their school holiday concert, which had lyrics about the season of winter: “It’s a glorious time of the year! It’s a wonderful season of cheer!” The timing of this new song fit perfectly with my sister’s arrival, so she helped the girls change the lyrics: “It’s glorious Aunt Melly’s here! It’s wonderful because she’s here!” This, of course, caused even more giggling, and the repetition of the new lyrics every four seconds for the whole weekend.
Gabby and my sister, setting the table for Thanksgiving, came up with a new way to celebrate, using the sparkly confetti I’d bought for the table.
This, of course, led to more giggling, and the unavoidable glitter-fight, which left me picking pieces of sparkly confetti out of my children’s hair, the chandeliers and my pants for the next several days.
Manhattan Sister also introduced my children to the wonderful concept of planking. They planked the couch, the coffee table, the pool table…and each other.
Thanks Manhattan Sister.
On the day of “Thanksgiving,” actually a random Saturday in November because that’s how we roll, my husband decided to take Uncle New York hunting for pheasants. (When in South Dakota….) They triumphantly returned, about six hours later, with two pheasants. East Coast Hippie Grandparents cringed as the children ran around the house with the feathers plucked from the dead birds. Manhattan Sister and I bit our tongues until the feathers ended up in the dinner table centerpiece. We drew the line.
During Thanksgiving preparations, my sister and I did some traditional things: Make sure we have “real” cranberry sauce (you know, the kind in the jar) in addition to mom’s “fancy” cranberry sauce. (you know, the kind with real cranberries in it). And some untraditional things: Like figure out how to fry stuffing. Hey! If you are in South Dakota, you fry the turkey! And if you’re frying the turkey, why not make mashed potato-stuffed stuffing balls and fry them up too! And while you’re at it, try frying the pie.
The turkey, stuffing and pie all tasted delicious, but the outside of the turkey didn’t look so good when it came out.
Gabby’s face fell when she entered the room to see it. “What happened to it?” she asked sadly. But it was delicious! Of course, anything fried in oil is delicious, and on this holiday, there’s no guilt about eating healthy.
But the funniest moments of our weekend, by far, were at the Thanksgiving table. I’m not sure exactly how to explain it, so I’ll try snippets of overheard conversation:
Me: Gabby, please don’t put the confetti in the butter.
Kid 1: I’m going to Canada.
Kid 2: Well I’m going to another country!
Kid 1: Canada IS another country!
Kid 2: Nuh-uh!
Etc…
Dinner is served. Everyone is chewing. There is silence. Suddenly:
Gabriella: Justin Bieber is my BOYFRIEND!
Kid 1: I’m thankful for my family
Manhattan Sister: I’m thankful for my family too.
Kid 2: I’m thankful that Christmas is coming
Kid 3: We gettin’ any presents on Fanksgiving?
Kid 4: No, dummy. No presents on Thanksgiving,
Kid 5: I’m thankful for presents!
Kid 6: Justin Bieber is my boyfriend!
Me: I’m thankful for wine.
Manhattan Sister: I take it back, I’m thankful for Bill frying stuff.
East Coast Dad: I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach.
Uncle New York: I think my eyes were bigger than my liver.
Levi: Eyes big! Tummy hurt.
Bill: Don’t throw up in here, it’s white carpet.
Then there was this:
And why, you ask, do I allow this kind of shenanigans at my Thanksgiving Dinner table? 2 reasons:
1. Because I am apparently not in control of the situation and if I didn’t laugh, I might die.
2. Because they had CHEEEEESE for dinner!
They only look normal...
Special thanks to East Coast Mom and Dad and Manhattan Sister and Brother-in-law for dragging their butts out here, for making us laugh all weekend and especially for helping the children learn the lyrics to the Aunt Melly Song, which has resulted in only two phone calls home from the school music teacher.
My husband "planking" after a big turkey dinner. Or maybe he's just sleeping on the floor.
As a student, a teacher and a mom, Pajama Day has always been the best day of school. As a student, I remember the fun, silly feeling of being at school wearing something different, and giggling at the idea of my teacher in her robe as well. As a teacher, I enjoy the challenge of finding something exciting enough to DO on Pajama Day that I can capture the students’ attention and keep them focused even though I’m wearing plaid flannel pants. As a mom, Pajama Day for the big kids means an easy-out. No outfit planning! No arguments! Just go to school! (Of course, some of my daughters are in the change-into-new-pajamas-when-we-wake-up camp.)
But the first Pajama Day of a school career is certainly the most exciting. Levi’s was today. We’ve been talking about it since we found the letter in his backpack from preschool – we all agree that it’s a very exciting moment in his school career!
Levi and I picked out new “jamas” at the store and chose matching slippers to accessorize. We counted down the days. Levi made a special request and the whole family promised to wear our jamas to dinner on the night of Pajama Day. We planned breakfast for dinner, Levi style – chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream. (And vegetables, Grammy, don’t worry.)
The day finally arrived. Levi jumped out of bed, ready to go to school already. “Jama Day! Jama Day!” Bill managed to get him to eat breakfast and wait patiently through the morning before it was time for preschool to start (if “patiently” means, “asking every 4 seconds if it is time for school while bouncing off the walls and screaming “Pajama Day! Pajama Day!”).
Levi dragged Bill down the hallway to his classroom, sliding along in his slippers, eager to see his classmates and show them his new jamas. When they opened the door, Bill and Levi were shocked to find all of his classmates…in regular clothes.
Because Levi’s Pajama Day was last week.
Over his chocolate chip pancakes at dinner, Levi let us off the hook, explaining that it was okay that he was the only one wearing jamas today…because “I cool like that. And last week I’s the only one in clothes when they’s wearing jamas!”
Oh. So, Parents of The Year, then?
Thank goodness the littlest one is also the most easy-going. Being the youngest of six requires a certain amount of chaos-tolerance.
Because I don’t have time to breath, let alone talk, I had to use texting, facebook and email to communicate all day. And now, I don’t have enough time to write – so you’re getting the eVersion of the story.
Facebook: So, wanna know what happens when you are too busy to go to the doctor about that really bad cold? Pneumonia. Yay me.
Comment from East Coast Dad: Shocking! Comment from East Coast Mom: [Input lots of medical advice here.] Comment from East Coast Friend: DISLIKE! Comment from 12 other people: Relax! Rest! Lie Down! (you get the drift) Comment from Girl Scout Mother: Does this mean the Girl Scout meeting on Tuesday is cancelled? Comment from Manhattan Sister: Maybe someone else should run your Girl Scout meeting, what with the long list of comments advising rest? Comment from me: Meeting not cancelled, antibiotics will make sure I’m not contagious by then! And rest?!?!? What is this word you speak of?
Text to Manhattan Sister: Oh Qwap! I forgot about Girl Scouts! Did my comment make it look like I knew what was going on?
Facebook: I made it! I made it! I left work in time to get the girls from a birthday party, let them say goodbye 12 thousand times and still make it home before the piano teacher arrived!
Text to Bill: The freakin’ Guinea Pig died. Text to Bill: Gabby found it. Text to Bill: Your ex is here for the kids’ lessons. We are burying the guinea pig together. I’m so glad we can share these special moments. When are you coming home? Text to Bill: Maybe we should lay off the pets for a while.
Text from Bill: So we don’t kill anymore?
Text to Bill: That is neither helpful, nor reassuring.
Text to Manhattan Sister: Ugh! What a day! Can’t wait to just sit down and relax! Text from Manhattan Sister: You deserv….
Interrupting Text from Bill’s ex: Did you know there’s basketball practice tonight???
Text to Bill’s ex: NO! There is? Yikes! I will take them over if you will pick them up!?
Text from Bill’s ex: Sounds good!
Text to Bill’s ex: Okay. B right there.
Yelling to children upstairs (because they don’t have email): BASKETBALL! NOW! LET’S GO!
Facebook: I’m sorry, Officer. Yes, I do know what a stop sign means, but you see, I learned to drive in Boston, and there we just sorta pause…
Comment from East Coast Dad: Learned to drive?? Really?? Is that what you call it? Comment from Me: Them's big words coming from the man who was the “teacher” in that experience!
Email from East Coast Dad: You are amazing. In the midst of a day featuring pneumonia, burying a dead f’ing guinea pig…with the ex, and apparently a moving violation, and yet you still see the humor in it. You have an attribute that is rare and valued.
Email Response to East Coast Dad: If I didn’t laugh at it, it would kill me. Plus, the pneumonia meds are turning out to be a sufficient replacement for rum this week…
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