Blended

The Fifth Question: Why Can't we Light the Paper Frogs on Fire?

Welcome to the continuation of the Special Holiday Edition of Blended!  That means 4 posts in 4 days!  Two regular posts: Wednesday and Saturday, and two special holiday posts: Easter yesterday, and Passover today.  Don't expect this next week...soccer season starts tomorrow!  Happy Reading...

 

*Facebook 4/18/11 - Seder highlights: Emily and Hannah singing the four questions, Brianna - “Hey! This prayer ends differently than the regular one.”  Bill – “fish meatball?!?!”

Passover* Seders* at my mom’s house in Boston were not what you’d call “traditional.”  We had 10-Plague* finger puppets, tablecloths you could write on and, one year, a contest involving jumping paper frogs* through the candles and landing in wine glasses.  This year that Seder happened 2,000 miles away, without me.  I was a little too busy (really?) to plan my own Seder, so I took my children, Bill and Brianna to the Seder at our small, conservative synagogue.

I prepped the kids ahead of time: Among other things, no paper frogs will be lit on fire here…  Brianna, who had been studying Passover in her religion classes at Catholic school, was confused – “We never heard anything about THAT!”  I explained the Passover story and holiday to Brianna, and listed which parts of Nana’s Seder would also be included in a conservative one.

My mom ordered us some Matzah* online.  (You can’t buy that here.) I bribed Sam to wear a nice shirt and dress pants (“We always get to wear jeans to Nana’s!) and reminded Emily and Hannah about using their best manners. (Nana doesn’t care!) At the Seder, there is a very specific order to things. I started to explain the all rules and organizational system to Bill and Brianna, but finally settled on one simple direction: “Don’t eat anything ‘til I eat it.”  We were ready.

On the way to the Seder, Brianna peppered me with questions. 

“What will we eat for dinner?” –Oh just you wait. 

“When we will eat dinner?” –Depending on how thorough we are…somewhere between 1 and 4 hours.

“Did you know that that baby in the basket was almost eaten by alligators before he got to the princess?” –Sounds like you were watching the Hollywood version of this story… 

“What’s Matzah?”

“Why’s it flat?”

“Will they have grape juice instead of wine?” 

“Is it okay if I say that we celebrated Easter yesterday?”

Well, we certainly don’t have the “Child-Who-is-too-Shy-to-Ask”* here.

 

The Seder turned out to be different, but fun.  The kids had a great time meeting other families and we even met a couple in a similar situation to ours (minus the six kids).  She had recently moved from Manhattan to live on a farm with her South Dakota boyfriend.  He asked if he could follow my “don’t eat ‘til I eat” rule, too. 

Brianna asked to sit next to me “so I can be sure I see what you’re doing.” As we said the blessings for wine, candles, matzah, Brianna suddenly turned to me with a lightbulb-face.  “Hey!” she whispered, “these prayers are just like Shabbat prayers, but with something else at the end!  I can do them!”  And she sang along.  I guess when we light candles on Friday night before dinner, everyone really IS paying attention!

Emily and Hannah had prepared for their role as the youngest children at the Seder: singing the Four Questions.* They had practiced for hours with Nana, using Skype.  When their turn came up, they sang beautifully, much to the amazement of the others in attendance.  Brianna, who often sits in on these practice sessions, even hummed along and knew a few of the words.

I think Bill enjoyed himself at the Seder.  He and the other guy with the East Coast City Girl girlfriend had LOTS to talk about, and he is always a fan of trying new foods.  He loved the matzah-meal popovers and charoset* but gave me the strangest look after putting the first piece of Gefilte Fish* in his mouth.  “What am I eating?” he asked accusingly.  I tried to explain the ingredients and the process through which Gelfilte Fish is made… “You just made me eat a COLD FISH MEATBALL?” 

Oy Vey.  Next year, I think I’m importing Nana for Passover instead of just the matzah.

 

Passover - to - English Dictionary:

*Passover: Jewish Holiday celebrated in the spring to remember the Israelites’ escape from Egypt.

*Seder: The dinner and service for Passover.  Seder means order and the celebration is very specifically ordered.  Most things are blessed before they are eaten and there are many traditions to follow.  Also can be very, very, very long.

*10-Plagues: 10 bad things brought down on the Egyptians in order to convince the Pharoah~ to set the Israelites free. (~Pharoah: Wishy Washy Egyptian King)

*Frogs: Often a focal point of Seders because they are way less gross than the rest of the plagues.

*Matzah: Flat, cardboard-like cracker made to resemble the bread cooked without rising in the Israelites hurry to leave Egypt.  Also, supposed to make us suffer.

*The Child Who is Too Shy To Ask: During the Seder, we discuss different types of children who may be attending our Seder and how to respond to each of their questions.  This is one type that Brianna is NOT.

*The Four Questions: traditionally sung by the youngest children in attendance, the four questions focus on what makes this night different from all other nights.  They are sung in Hebrew, and are the source of terror for many young children.

*Charoset: mixture of apples, nuts and wine, made to remind us of the mortar used by Israelites to build pyramids.  Also has wine to distract from the Matzah…

*Gefilte Fish: Bill’s description is pretty much dead-on.

 

© Jody Hoffman 2011

I See Bunnies

 

*Facebook 4/15/11 - Brady smelled a bunny outside and ran away. He came back though. I guess he forgot what he was doing. #mydoghasaddtoo #darnbunnies

 

I was diagnosed with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) in High School.  Never medicated, I instead learned coping strategies that work…most of the time.

This is what ADD looks like in an un-medicated adult:

-Occasional spouts of insane multi-tasking

-Occasional inability to walk and chew gum simultaneously.

-External organization caused by complete lack of internal organization

        -Color-coded excel documents everywhere

        -Planners as large as a small encyclopedia

        -Google calendars for each family member and every activity

        -Sticky notes. Lots of sticky notes

 

A few years ago, my mom gave me a tee shirt that said:

“My mom says I have ADD. 

I don’t know what she’s talking ab---

Oh Look! A bunny!” 

 

From then on, every time I forgot something, became distracted or said something that seemed completely disconnected from the conversation I was having, my mom would yell, “Look! A Bunny!”  Everyone else was more than happy to join in.  During the first weekend that Bill spent with my parents, we were supposed to meet them at their house.  Distracted in the car on the way home from the mall, I accidentally drove to MY house instead of theirs.  Then I took a wrong turn (even though I had driven this path a million times) and we ended up arriving 30 minutes late. Upon entering their house, Bill said to my mom, “Sorry we’re late…there were just soooo many bunnies.” 

Bill is accepting of this personality trait and puts up with my obsessive organization, need to plan ahead, and frustration when things seem out of control (said the girl with 6 kids and 2 dogs). He finds humor in my distractibility.

 

*Facebook 3/11/11 –

Me: (telling a story, gets distracted and loses train of thought)

Mom: (After reminding me where I was) "I'm a bunny catcher."

Me: (Laughs… and forgets again)

*Facebook 3/21/11 - "Attention Target Shoppers there is a Honda Pilot license plate ICBUNYS in the parking lot...you left your door open." Yeah, but I remembered all the kids...

*Facebook 3/17/11 - My fortune cookie said: "you are what you think about all day." Have spent a great deal of time thinking about that today. Does that, then, make me a cookie?

 In October of 2009 when Bill and I were looking for the perfect house for the Bunch, I knew we were in the perfect place from the moment we pulled into the driveway. Bill, however, wasn’t sure until he heard me exclaim from an upstairs window, “Look!  Bunnies!”  We had a forest full of rabbits in our backyard. 

We bought the house.

 *Facebook 4/5/11 - I think blog posts, texts and Facebook updates are so appealing to me for the same reason I liked Sesame Street - my attention span requires that the activity changes approximately every 30 seconds.

 *Facebook 4/16/11 - The difference between Brady and me: today he caught the bunny.

 

© Jody Hoffman 2011

Really Loud Heaven

*Facebook 3/9: Jody Hoffman has a split personality today...Good Mommy says, "my kids are leaving for 10 days and I am going to miss them soooooo much." Tired Mommy says, "I bet on at least one of those 10 days I will be able to go pee when I decide I want to."

*Facebook 3/10 Went from a houseful of 10 to just two in the space of 30 minutes. The quiet is lonelier than I thought it would be.

There were ten people in my house last weekend. You see, we didn’t think eight was enough, so we flew in my parents from Boston.  I’m pretty sure they enjoyed themselves, or at least were amused.  Mostly they spent their time shaking their heads in bewilderment, shielding their faces from flying food at dinner, racing around all day: often in two separate vehicles, herding everyone into bed at 8:30 and collapsing, exhausted on the couch at 8:31.  My mom also had the unique opportunity of taking my children to the dentist while I was at work.  I told her that it was because they couldn’t make me an after-school appointment until June, but really it was because you would have to be completely freakin’ insane to take 6 kids to the dentist all at once.  My kids all love when Nana and Pop come to visit.  There’s something really special about getting the kid-to-adult ratio under 4-to-1… 

 

At the end of their visit, Bill and I packed my Pilot and his pick-up with 10 people, two dogs, one five pound Shitzu-Poodle and one 80 pound Golden Retiever “puppy” and 764 suitcases.  We then drove around town emptying the vehicles.  We lost two dogs to the vet for grooming, shots and boarding.  We delivered three kids to their respective schools and preschools and then, finally, we left three kids, two grandparents and 764 suitcases at the airport. 

 

Then we drove home and stared at each other for about 20 minutes.

 

The downside of being a blended family is that sometimes our kids go away.  The upside is that sometimes they go away…all at the same time.  We learned pretty early on that there are two ways to deal with this. 

1.  Be sad, worry about them and wish they were here.  Sit in their rooms and cry. 

2.  Watch grown-up TV, eat whatever we want (because no one is judging our vegetable intake or modeling their eating habits after ours) and have entire conversations during which each of us finishes sentences and no one bursts into the room bleeding, tattling or throwing up. 

 

This time we chose number 2.  Don’t get me wrong, we missed them all (to be honest, not the dogs so much), but choice number 2 is much more fun.  When life gives you lemons…trade them in for coconuts and make Pina Coladas.

 

Over the next few days, our normal hectic routine was drastically changed.   We enjoyed each other’s company.  We ate and watched and talked about whatever we wanted.  We drove to the Black Hills for a few days to really get away from reality.  I spent two days kid AND husband free in Boston for my sister’s birthday.  Bill slept in and read the Cabella’s magazine from cover to cover, (and also cleaned the entire house because he cares about things like clean floors and folded laundry).  We don’t realize how infrequently we do Whatever We Want, until we actually get to do Whatever We Want.

 

When the clock struck end-of-vacation, we made the reverse rounds in our car (only one this time.)  First we collected Brianna, Gabby and Levi.  Then we drove to the vet to retrieve our very stinky and excited dogs.  Then, with an almost full, very smelly car, we drove to the airport to pick up Sam, Emily and Hannah.  Once we had everyone hugged, kissed and buckled, we exchanged looks (because we couldn’t exchange words – who could hear anything in this zoo-on-wheels?), shook our heads in bewilderment, and rejoined our real world.  Happily. 

 

Hopefully my parents will come back in September because that’s when I scheduled the next dentist appointment.

 

*Facebook 3/21 I know I talk a lot about how crazy it is to have everybody here...But after a few days with no kids and no dogs - a carful of 6 kids and 2 dogs on the way home from the airport today feels just like heaven. Really, really loud heaven.

 

© Jody Hoffman 2011