Blended

What I did on (the First Day of) My Summer Vacation

*Facebook 5/24/11 - Dentist, grocery store, cleaning the house, physical therapy, oil change, pack. Yup! It's vacation.

Reason number 12 I love South Dakota: (the first 7 are related to me, 1 is traffic-based and the other three could be found sitting at my kitchen counter drinking wine or coffee at any moment…)  School gets out on May 23!

 

I have worked in districts where school went all year and I have worked in districts where the school year extends into the very end of June, but never have I had a FULL THREE MONTHS OF VACATION!!  (Perhaps it is because all of those other places I worked had this cool thing called “Snow Days.”  Here, they figure you’re used to it and we have school even during blizzards.)

 

In mid May, I was not prepared for the school year to be over.  It took me by surprise.  First of all, it was not warm enough to be summer yet.  Still in the 60’s, I hadn’t even switched completely over to my spring clothes!  Also, given that I was feeling like we should have 6 weeks more of school, it was hard for me to accept that we really weren’t going to be able to finish the ambitious unit I had started in the end of April.  I woke up the day after the last day of school and had no idea what to do with myself.  I hadn’t had a vacation day since Christmas, so it took a while for the idea of a calm, relaxing, nothing-to-do day to set in.

 

Then the kids woke up. 

 

We made breakfast, cleaned up breakfast, folded three loads of laundry and walked the dogs.  Then I left the big kids in charge of the little kids so I could run to the grocery store. (See Errand Nightmares for an explanation of why I didn’t take them with me.)  On the way home I stopped for gas, a car wash and an oil change in preparation for our trip to Minneapolis the next week.

 

√Laundry

√Grocery Shopping

√Gas, Carwash, Oil Change

 

Then I prepared 10 different appetizers for Brianna’s Minute-to-Win-It birthday party, which was the next day.  (We decided on passed hors d’oeuvres so her friends wouldn’t have to stop playing to eat.)

 

√Appetizers

 

After that I organized all the game supplies for the party into separate piles on the dinning room table, making a cute little sign with directions for each separate station. Then I ran out again to a physical therapy appointment. When I came home I did the dishes and picked up the house.

√Party Planning

√Physical Therapy

√Dishes

√House Pick-up

 

Then we were ready for lunch.

 

After lunch I took three of the kids to the dentist.  Their regular check ups revealed 4 cavities, 3 teeth needing sealant and 3 baby teeth that needed to be pulled.  I hunted them down, wrestled them into the car and headed over to the dentist.  Where I would be for the next two hours.

 

I didn’t realize that they were planning to take them all at once, so I did the One-of-Me-Three-of-Them dance in and out of all examination rooms and up and down all of the hallways.  During all of this, I did my very best not to listen to, look at, or smell anything, since the whole idea of the dentist makes me somewhat nauseated (which is probably why I haven’t told anyone about that toothache I have).

 

√Dentist

 

At the end of the dental extravaganza, I returned home with my puffy-faced, lisping children who had been told by the dentist that they could have whatever they wanted for dinner.

 

*Facebook 5/24/11 - After 4 fillings and 3 teeth pulled, none of my children can get their faces to work. Funniest. Conversation. Ever. 

 

And this is how, at 5:00 on my first day of vacation, Bill came home to find the dining room table covered with party plans, the refrigerator full of uncooked appetizers, the laundry folded, the dishes done, the car ready for our trip, and me in the kitchen, making pancakes and ice cream for dinner.

 

*Facebook 5/23/11 – Bill gets the quote of the day today!  Upon arriving home he said,  “What? Did you do EVERYTHING on the first day of vacation?”  Nope, my friend…you should see tomorrow’s list!

 

© Jody Hoffman 2011

 

Floating Playpen

Today is Boat Day!  It is finally warm enough to take it out on the water, so this post seemed timely. 

That is, if you can handle another post about my husband...

*Facebook 7/10/10 - Figured out how to contain them...two carfuls of kids, one boat. Done. It’s like a floating playpen!

My husband loves his boat.  He loves the water, the outdoors, the freedom of being on the lake.  He loves to fish, tube, water-ski, or have a picnic.  When we all go on the boat together, he never gets to pick up his fishing pole.  He doesn’t even get to finish a sandwich.

I don’t think he minds.

He never complains about dragging Brianna around on the tube hour after hour after hour.  He smiles with pride when she climbs back in by herself and patiently reels her in when she needs help.  He hits the bumps when she is anxious for a scary ride and takes it easy when she gets tired.

He gets in the tube when Gabby wants a ride and can’t go alone, even when the water is frigid and it means he has to trust ME to drive the boat.

  He lets Sam drive, even though it means increasing the danger level (since Sam’s attention span will not allow him to concentrate on this task all the way back to the dock). This usually results in Sam strutting like peacock with pride – and teenage bravado all the way home. 

 

He patiently shows Hannah and Emily over and over and over again the right way to swing the pole into the water as to not hook anyone in the lip - and maybe even get it near a fish.  He laughs when they are scared of the fish and won’t touch them. He baits every single hook with those nasty little worms so I didn’t have to touch them. He makes fishy-faces for the camera on demand.  And he calmly, expertly cleans all the teeny tiny fish they catch when we get home.  Even though it takes hours…even though it only produces enough meat for a side dish…even though no one in our house will eat fish.

   
He listens when Levi yells, “I want IN!” and stops the boat so he can jump off the side.  He listens when, three seconds later, Levi yells, “I want OUT” and reaches down to pluck him out of the lake.   He entertains me, calms me down when I think the kids are hanging too far off the side (“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asks.  “They might get wet?!”) and cleans squished crackers and spilled juice out of the boat when we get home.

He never. Ever. Complains.

On the rare occasion when Bill and I have been alone on the boat, I love to watch him relax, with his feet propped up, fishing in his favorite shady spot.  I make him two sandwiches with the knowledge that he will actually get to eat them both.  I make myself stop talking so that we can both appreciate the quiet.  We don’t have a lot of that around here.

 

  *Facebook 8/10/10 Gorgeous day. Happy kids. Cute husband. Oh and a boat! Good life.

 

 © Jody Hoffman 2011

 

Stay in the Truck, Babe

Two friends and I went to a vendor show the other day.  I bought jewelry, seasoning mixes, a purse and some scrapbooking supplies.  But when we approached the “Never Clean Your House the Same Way Ever Again!” table, my eyes glazed over and I started checking Facebook on my phone.  My two very-excited-about-cleaning friends were very excited about these cleaning products.  They couldn’t understand my apathy about the situation.  “I’m not in charge of cleaning at my house,” I mumbled.  Nicole looked at me in disbelief. (Missy was still enraptured by the sales pitch of the cleaning product lady.)  “What ARE you in charge of!?!?!” She asked.  In the moment, I very maturely stuck out my tongue at her, but later I thought about it.  What AM I in charge of?  The truth of the matter is that while I do my fair share of childcare and errand running, it is Bill who bears most of the weight of running this household. 

 

Things I’m not in charge of:

             -Cleaning up dog messes

             -Dishes

            -Laundry (anymore…)

            -Washing cars

           -Pumping gas

           -Yard work

           -Checking out strange noises at night

 

Things I AM in Charge of:

           -Dinner at 5 (ish)

           -Anything that happens before 6am, unless it's a dog mess or strange noise

           -Entertainment decisions

            -Planning after school activities, doctor appointments and vacations

            -Forcing Bill to listen to plans

 

Sometimes I try to help:

*Facebook 11/6 - Decided to take some medicine so I could kick this stinkin’ cold and help Bill clean the house. New thoughts: they shouldn't put Dayquil and Nyquil in the same box. Sorry Bill, and goodnight.

I'm not saying he's perfect:

*Facebook 9/12 - I have no antlers and no football helmet. Therefore, I am, today, completely invisible to my husband.

But most of the time I feel like he devotes a major portion of his attention to making me happy:

*Facebook 3/24 In the realizing-how-much-my-husband-does-for-me category: just pulled into the coffee place from which he brings me a latte most afternoons and realized I don't even know the name of my own drink!

I know that a whole story about my amazing husband is probably making most people’s gag reflex kick in, but bear with me, it’s almost over.  Just one more quick list.

 

Top 10 qualities I appreciate most about my husband:

10. He’s Helpful: Besides all of the above mentioned things he does for our family, he has also been known to correct 90 6^th grade spelling tests for me…

9. He"Gets" Shopping: It isn't his favorite thing, but he'll spend as long as I want to in the mall.  He says he understands his job:  "Pay, and hold the bags."

8.  He’s Not Judgmental:  No matter how many times I call him in the middle of the day, he doesn’t get annoyed…he just brings me whatever I forgot. 

7. He’s Supportive:  When I decide it’s time to start exercising, he clears the schedule so we can go to the gym and changes his work out so he can do what I’m doing.  He tells me I’m doing a great job.  When I decide it’s time to stop exercising, he buys me donuts.  See #8.

6. He’s Good People: Regardless of the level of obnoxiousness of the people he’s dealing with, he ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS does “the right thing.” Even if the “wrong thing” would be way more satisfying. 

5. He's Romantic:  He knew that the Boston Harbor Hotel is my favorite Boston landmark, so he booked us there for my 31st birthday.  Then he brought me back there two months later...and proposed. 

4. He’s Flexible: When we first bought our house and then I landed a teaching job 5 minutes away, we talked about meeting at home for lunch.  When we discovered, however, that my lunch break would only be 25 minutes long (because teacher’s don’t need to eat), I was ready to give up on our lunch date plans.  Not Bill!  Every single Friday he drives to our favorite lunch spot and brings a picnic lunch for us to eat together in my classroom.  Some weeks, those are the only 25 minutes we get alone!  I really look forward to those lunches…and not just because those turkey paninis are so good.

3. He’s Patient: especially with tickets resulting from moving violations, exploding blender messes and cockamaymee schemes.

2. He’s got it under control.  No matter what the crisis, he’s already figured out how to handle it before I even get my hysterical sentence about the problem out.  “Stay in the truck, Babe. I got this.” 

1. Plus, he’s cute. I’m just sayin’.

 

© Jody Hoffman 2011

 

 

The Ash Wednesday Chicken Dinner Story

*Facebook 3/9 Who is that public-school mom screwing up the Catholic school pick up line AGAIN?!?! Oh, that's me. Sorry, folks-I'm new.

One of the most challenging parts of moving to South Dakota from my suburban Boston hometown has been coming to terms with a new way of practicing our religion.  In Boston, I was the youth group leader, Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutor and Hebrew Reading Specialist.  My kids went to Hebrew school once a week at the school where my mother is the Education Director. We were IN-volved.  My kids opened the ark at High Holiday services… Here, there are very few Jews and, though we are trying to be involved here as well, we are so busy and there aren’t any other kids!  Our family life is different too.  Bill’s kids participate in our Friday night Shabbat dinners and even know some of the prayers.  In exchange, Brianna has been sharing her Catholic School education with me, usually right after each holiday occurs.  Jesus hangs in our kitchen, a mezuzah hangs on our door.  We lit candles on Hannukah and drank hot chocolate under our tree on Christmas.  We’re blended, so that means all the ingredients count.   We have had several wonderful successes:

*Facebook 12/5 Happiness is a guy that understands what the "clothes" night of Hannukah means.... (We “themed” the nights of Hannukah so as to contain the presentpalooza that is the month of December in our home.  The fourth night is clothes night.  This year, Bill gave me Pink Sweater Uggs!)

*Facebook 12/25 As we walked into Christmas Mass tonight, all 8 of us, someone commented, "what a lovely family...all dressed in plaid!". If there's something we Jews know, it's how to dress for church.

And some interesting challenges:

*Facebook 1/3 They don't have Hannukah scrapbooking stickers in South Dakota. Just so you know

We were about to have another one of those challenges:

As you know, trying to make homecoming perfect for Bill is one of my “things.”  Last week was a complete and utter disaster, so this week I was determined to get it right.  It hadn’t been our weekend with Bill’s kids, so the first time I had everybody together again after the Oh $#!% Dinner of last Thursday was this Wednesday, March 9. 

I planned dinner the night before and made sure I had everything defrosting.  I was making something I knew everyone would eat.  I picked everyone up, brought them home, neatened and straightened and turned on the TV to settle everyone because I’m not perfect.  Then I made chicken strips 3 ways, plain (for the littles) Honey BBQ (for the bigs and for me) and Buffalo Hot Sauce (for Bill, although everytime we do this one of the kids insists on trying them and then drinking a gallon of milk while steam comes out of his or her ears).

When Bill walked in at 5:05, the table was set, the kids were sitting, the dogs were fed, accounted for and quiet and dinner was ready!  I noticed something interesting on Bill’s forehead, but didn’t mention it because I was so excited about my dinner success.

Bill walked into the dining room and surveyed my masterpiece.  Then Brianna piped up, “Um, Jody? It’s Ash Wednesday.  That’s the day we don’t eat meat.” 

Oh. 

Perhaps Brianna and I could work on learning about each holiday the day BEFORE, instead of the day after from now on… and I think I’m giving up 5:00 dinners for Lent.

 

© Jody Hoffman 2011

OH $#!% Or, Why we Ate Dinner 45 Minutes Late

My husband plans his every move around what would make his family happy. He works hard to pay for soccer cleats, swimming lessons, IHOP Sunday breakfasts and my shoes. He is the first one there when dishes need to be done, laundry needs to be washed or there’s dog mess in the living room. Last summer, right after our wedding, my children and step-children summed it up just right while watching The Amazing Race.

*Facebook 8/28/10 Me: "Bill and I should totally be on this show-we would so win!"
Hannah: "Yeah! Bill can drive the car, run really fast and pick up the heavy stuff." Em:" AND he's good at directions!"
Me: "But what will I do? "
Brianna: "Well, you can just sit in the backseat and be pretty."
Well...they do have a point. (And, apparently, a pretty good idea of how my marriage works.)

This said, there are a few things I can do to show him how much we all appreciate what he does and bring a little smile to his face…

Bill likes to come home at 5:00 to a calm, clean, organized household where no one is screaming, biting or crying, and dinner is on the table. Some of this is downright impossible, and some it is just hard. Although I realize that my behavior after school is not evidence of my feminist upbringing, I love my husband and want him to be happy, so I do try to make his somewhat-unreasonable dreams come true. I fail almost every time. If you’re judging me right now, come over sometime - after you run around to 4 places picking up six children, bring them home, wrangle them out of the snowclothes and do their homework with them, then walk the dogs. Now you’ll have about 20 minutes left (if you’re lucky) to make dinner and get the kids cleaned up, settled and sitting at the table. Ready? Go!

There are obvious obstacles to Bill’s perfect walking-in-the-door moment. Sometimes people are late, sometimes kids have fights, fall down, need homework help, lose the dogs or puke. Sometimes, though, the problem is me. Last Tuesday was the Girl Scout Cookie Money Due Date. This is the day when 13 little girls turn in their approximately $7000, mostly in ones, to the troop leader - yours truly.

*Facebook 9/12/10: Could someone please rewind time to the minute right BEFORE I volunteered to be the Girl Scout Troop Leader? Then push pause and yell at me until I hang up the phone.

Then it is my esteemed pleasure to count, recount and count again until I make the number of dollars in my living room add up to the number of boxes times 4 This almost always ends in me writing a check…

On this night, I was working in the living room and was determined to finish the project AND have dinner on the table at 5:00. I occasionally glanced up at the digital clock in front of me to be sure I had enough time left. I plowed through the work and was excited when the difference finally came within $20 and I could write a check and be done with the whole thing. Around this time, I heard Bill come into the kitchen - I’m home!

I’m sure Bill was not expecting or hoping for “OH *&%$” as his greeting when he arrived home after a long day of work, but that is what he got. It turns out that the “digital clock” I was glancing at absentmindedly was actually the cable box. The children had been watching channel 441 the day before. Lost in Girl Scout Cookie money, I had completely failed to notice that the time wasn’t changing, and in fact wasn’t even the time. I had not started dinner, the house was a mess, the dogs were missing and the children were screaming at each other in the playroom. But the cookie money was done…

Bill and I, as usual, rolled with the punches and made dinner together. We laughed about it during dinner and I promised myself I’d do better next time…Stay Tuned.

….Next Time (the Ash Wednesday Chicken Dinner story)

© Jody Hoffman 2011