Blended

You'd Think, Especially after the Last Post, that I'd be More Productive...

So you know how the school won’t let your kid go back to school the next day if they had a fever or threw up at school the day before?  I’ve learned to embrace this rule.  Here’s why:  the result of the rule is that today I have 6 hours where 5 kids are at school and 1 kid is “resting” and I’m not ALLOWED to go to work.  Genius.  You might think I used this time productively.

 

You’d be wrong.

 

So, in a deliberate and fantastic act of procrastination, I have created a list of all the things I SHOULD have done today.   Enjoy.  I’m going back to Pinterest. 

 

The Should-a List

What I should have done: Cleaned the bathroom and organized the medicine cabinet.

What I actually did:  Carried the cleaning products to the bathroom, got distracted and sat on the bathroom floor painting my toenails.

 

What I should have done: started baking holiday cookies for the mailman, piano teacher, etc.

What I actually did:  Make elf donuts based on a photo I found on Pinterest.

 

Oh no...what's wrong with my mother?

What I should have done:  The dishes

What I actually did:  Arrange the dirty dishes so they took up less space.

What I should have done:  The Wii fit, or some sort of work out.

What I actually did:  Hire a personal trainer that I may or may not actually meet up with next Tuesday.  (Any encouraging text messages at 3:40 on Tuesday will be accepted.)

 

What I should have done:  Vacuuming

What I actually did:  Make 28 pretend snowglobes with my daughter and decide that the fake snow all over the dinning room floor was festive.

 

What I should have done:  Organized my closet.

What I actually did:  Make up new outfits on Polyvore (Oy! How the internet kills my productivity!) and then try to figure out where to buy all the cool scarves I loved.

 

What I should have done:  Scrapbook the 10,000 photos of my own children that are sitting on my desk.

What I actually did:  Take 151 photos of my friend’s baby in a bucket of Christmas ornaments, sleeping under the tree and playing with Christmas lights.

What I should have done:  Planned meals for the week, including tonight

What I actually did:  Googled 10 minute/3 ingredient meals.  Then Googled Pizza Hut coupons.  (That stinkin’ Internet again!)

 

What I should have done:  Cleaned up my kids’ rooms.

What I actually did:  Shut their doors.

 

What I should have done: Read an intellectual book or something that would further my career.

What I actually did:  Read the latest issue of Cosmo that came automatically to my Nook, and then three chapters of Tina Fey’s Bossy Pants.

 

 

What I should have done:  Corrected papers.

What I actually did:  Left the papers at school yesterday when I flew out of there yesterday to pick up my sick kid.

 

What I should have done:  Made homemade soup for my sick kid.

What I actually did:  Make her soup out of a can.  Then make her hot chocolate.  From a packet.  Pretty sure she didn’t notice.

 

What I should have done:  Planned a cute outfit in which to greet my husband when he arrived home from a week-long business trip.  (At least that's what I should have done according to the Pinterest list of "101 Things You Should Be Doing For Your Husband.")

What I actually did:  throw on lip gloss, earrings and a bra when I heard his truck pull into the driveway.

 

What I should have done:  Spent time figuring out why my living room is so much colder than the rest of my house.

What I actually did:  Snuggle under a blanket with my “sick” kid.

 

What I should have done:  Update my address book so that I won’t get so many returned Christmas Cards next year.

What I actually did:  Spend an hour on facebook chatting and stalking relatives and friends before remembering to actually message them asking for their addresses.

 

What  I should have done:  Get the heck off of the computer.

What I actually did:  Write this story.  While sipping hot chocolate (from a packet).  Under a blanket in the living room with my “sick kid.”  In my sweatpants.  With undone dishes and unvacuumed floors.  While enjoying elf donuts.

 

Pajama Day

As a student, a teacher and a mom, Pajama Day has always been the best day of school.  As a student, I remember the fun, silly feeling of being at school wearing something different, and giggling at the idea of my teacher in her robe as well.  As a teacher, I enjoy the challenge of finding something exciting enough to DO on Pajama Day that I can capture the students’ attention and keep them focused even though I’m wearing plaid flannel pants.  As a mom, Pajama Day for the big kids means an easy-out.  No outfit planning!  No arguments!  Just go to school!  (Of course, some of my daughters are in the change-into-new-pajamas-when-we-wake-up camp.)

 

But the first Pajama Day of a school career is certainly the most exciting.  Levi’s was today.  We’ve been talking about it since we found the letter in his backpack from preschool – we all agree that it’s a very exciting moment in his school career!

 

Levi and I picked out new “jamas” at the store and chose matching slippers to accessorize.   We counted down the days.  Levi made a special request and the whole family promised to wear our jamas to dinner on the night of Pajama Day.  We planned breakfast for dinner, Levi style – chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream.  (And vegetables, Grammy, don’t worry.)

 

The day finally arrived.  Levi jumped out of bed, ready to go to school already.  “Jama Day! Jama Day!”  Bill managed to get him to eat breakfast and wait patiently through the morning before it was time for preschool to start (if “patiently” means, “asking every 4 seconds if it is time for school while bouncing off the walls and screaming “Pajama Day! Pajama Day!”).

 

Levi dragged Bill down the hallway to his classroom, sliding along in his slippers, eager to see his classmates and show them his new jamas.  When they opened the door, Bill and Levi were shocked to find all of his classmates…in regular clothes.

 

Because Levi’s Pajama Day was last week.

 

Over his chocolate chip pancakes at dinner, Levi let us off the hook, explaining that it was okay that he was the only one wearing jamas today…because “I cool like that.  And last week I’s the only one in clothes when they’s wearing jamas!”

 

Oh.  So, Parents of The Year, then?

 

Thank goodness the littlest one is also the most easy-going.  Being the youngest of six requires a certain amount of chaos-tolerance. 

 

 Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011

 

15 Seconds

I saw my husband for about an hour today…in 15 second intervals.

 

At 7am, I saw him for 15 seconds while I raced out the door with 6 kids in tow.

 

At 11:15 am, I saw him out my classroom window when he texted me “unlock the doors to your car,” because Levi had left his backpack in my trunk.

 

At 12:20, I saw him when he ran into my classroom, threw my forgotten lunch to me and then flew off to get Gabby to preschool on time.

 

At 3:45, I ran into the house after school and passed him as he ran out so that he could watch the first half of Sam’s football game.  He sent me text message updates while I organized the girls for their piano lesson and tried to do the dishes.

 

At 4:45, we waved lovingly at each other as we drove by in opposite directions when we switched places at halftime.   I was armed with the camera so that I could embarrass Sam by making him pose for a photo – serves him right for forgetting his picture envelope on professional photo day!

 

At 5:45, we waved again, this time as he was taking some kids to soccer and I was flying home to meet the ones still in piano lessons.  (I think our piano teacher thinks we’re nuts.  I’m just thankful there’s another adult in the house so we can leave some kids there for a minute or two!)

 

At 6:15, I arrived at the soccer game with the last piano-player and thought we would finally get a few minutes to chat.  Then my phone rang.  Sam had taken the bus back to school after his game and thought he had a ride home, but alas…

 

At 7:00, when the soccer game ended, we saw each other for a frantic 11 seconds while the girls ran into the house, flinging clothing as they went up the stairs so that they could change and get back out the door for the basketball practice we had forgotten about which started at 7:20.

 

We were technically in the same house from 8:15 to 9:15, but I’m not sure we ever even made eye contact!  Between finishing homework, laying out clothes and finding all the pieces of everyone’s backpacks for tomorrow, we just shouted information up and down the stairs:

 

Down: Location of Dora the Explorer Backpack??

 

Up: Got it!

 

Down: Do the girls need gym shoes tomorrow?

 

Outside: Do you girls need gym shoes tomorrow?

 

Inside: No!

 

Up: No!

 

Down:  Levi just said he’s Star of the Week!  Do you know anything about this?

 

Text to Levi’s Mom: Do you know anything about Star of the Week?

 

Text back:  Yup! Done.

 

(Phew.  Thank goodness there are so many adults in this equation.)

 

Up:  Yup!  Done! 

 

Down: Where’s the Guinea Pig?

 

Up: What?!?!?

 

You get the idea…

 

At 9:15, I saw my husband for approximately 9 second before we both completely passed out.  Maybe we’ll have a conversation tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

Wordless Wednesday - September 21, 2011

Awkward...

I just bought $30 worth of stuff that I don’t need from a fundraiser.

 

I bought the stuff because I was in the middle of a super-awkward situation.

 

It was awkward because I answered the door in my jammies…and found two of my students standing there.

 

I was in my jammies at 8:30 because I had to beat the kids to the shower if I wanted any hot water.

 

The kids were racing to the shower because they were sweaty and disgusting.

 

They were sweaty and disgusting because they had been running around like crazy lunatics all day.

 

I was sweaty and disgusting because I had been running around like a crazy lunatic with them (or at least FOR them).

 

Right before I got in the shower, I’d been at the mall.

 

We were at the mall at 8:00pm on a school night because my 12-Year-Old had just announced that his football cleats were too small and he needed new ones for practice…tomorrow.

 

He told me this at 7:30pm because we were just picking his sister up from soccer and the cleats reminded him.

 

We were picking her up from soccer at 7:30 because we were late.

 

We were late because we went out to dinner.

 

We went out to dinner because I raced around like a crazy lunatic all afternoon and I didn’t have four seconds to pee, forget about make dinner.

 

We were late to dinner because the soccer coach was late so I spent 20 minutes in the soccer field parking lot with Bill’s ex wife.

 

I was with Bill’s ex-wife because our kids play on the same soccer team.

 

They play on the same team because otherwise this would be insane.  Oh wait.  It already is.

 

Before soccer, I was all the way on the other side of town waiting to pick up Sam from football. 

 

I was waiting because he forgot to text me and tell me the right time and I was worried about being that-mom-who-always-picks-her-kid-up-late.

 

He forgot to text me because ADD is hereditary.

 

Before racing to the football field so I could wait for 30 minutes, I was zooming through the McDonald’s Drive-Through.

 

I was zooming through the McDonald’s drive through because I realized I had only 10 minutes to feed Hannah before picking up her brother and then taking Hannah to soccer practice.

 

I only had 10 minutes because we had to run home and get her cleats and soccer shorts from the house and while we were there the stupid dogs got out and we had to chase them and put them back in.

 

The dogs got out because we were hurrying.

 

We were hurrying because I had been late to pick her up from her friends’ house so we needed to get her soccer stuff quickly.

 

I was late to pick her up from her friend’s house because my doctor’s appointment ran over.

 

My doctor’s appointment ran over because the doctor was punishing me for being late to his office in the first place.

 

I was late to his office in the first place because…. Need I really go on?

 

This is ridiculous.  Work is like a vacation on a tropical island compared to the 6 hours between the last bell and when the kids go to bed.

 

Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011

 

 

An Interview with Bill After a Day Alone with All Six Kids

The first day of school in our district is a half-day for kids, but a full day for teachers.  So, Bill stayed home to be in charge of the chaos while I vacationed at work.  That evening, after we managed to get everyone in bed and we collapsed onto the couch, I interviewed my exhausted husband about his experiences that day.

 

Me:  So… what did you think of your day with All Six Kids?

Bill:  It was pretty chaotic…

Me:  What time did your day start?

Bill: I woke up when your alarm went off at 5:45am.  I never sat down again all day.

Me: How did getting the kids ready for school go?

Bill:  We had six kids going six different directions.  Emily was raring to go, but Brianna and Sam had to be dragged out of bed.  I didn’t even try to get the little kids ready.  Everyone got their own breakfast and ate cereal, so all I had to do was clean up the disaster area in the kitchen when they were done.

Me: Tell me about driving them to school?

Bill:  Sam had to sit in the front because he’s the cool dude and was worried about getting dropped off in front of his friends from the backseat.  The girls were excited in the backseat and making all kinds of high-pitched noises.  Of course every person that lives in this town was driving to the same place, so there was a traffic jam…  Sam jumped out of the car and ran up to the first kid he saw:  “Dude!  Check out my stitches!”  Then we went back in the massive line of traffic and drove the ½ a block to the elementary school.  Emily wanted me to drive right up to the front door on the sidewalk.  Hannah wanted to be dropped off at the corner and Brianna didn’t really care – she just wanted out of the car! I got out of the car, gave them all a hug and sent them on their way

Me: Then what did you do?

Bill:  I took the little kids to McDonald’s because I forgot to feed them breakfast at home.  Then we went to the grocery store. 

Me: How did the grocery store trip go?

Bill: After dragging the little kids through the aisles and bribing them with treats, I realized I had forgotten my wallet and had to go all the way home again.

Me:  You?!?!  Forgot something?!?!

Bill: Do you KNOW what’s going on here during the day?!?!

Me: What time did the big kids get home from school?

Bill:  They had a half day, so they exploded into the house around 12:15.

Me:  How many of them walked in?

Bill: uh…8.

Me:  Who were the extras?

Bill:  One was a friend of the girls that has been here a million times, and the other one I had never met before.

Me: So what did you do about that?

Bill: I fed her lunch…

Me: How was the afternoon?

Bill: Yelling, Screaming, Door-Slamming, Hamsters-down-the-shirts Crazy.  I had to get my hair cut and my plan was to leave the little kids with the big kids.  But, judging from the complete chaos going on, I decided to take them with me.  Then we went back and did the grocery shopping…again.

Me: I noticed we ate dinner around 7:30, rather than your preferred time of 5:00.  What happened?

Bill:  Are you kidding me?  One day at work and you’ve completely forgotten the chaos?

Me:  What was the worst part of the day?

Bill: About fifteen minutes after everyone got home and the girls started putting the hamsters down each-other’s shirts and shrieking.  Why is that shrieking so high-pitched?!?!

Me: So overall, what was the best part of the day?

Bill:  When you got home.

Me: Awww…Did you miss me?

Bill: No, I was drowning in children and I was hoping you had a flotation device.

Me: How many days in a row do you think you can handle this?

Bill: I have to do it again?!?!

Me:  Now do you have a better understanding of why I love rum?

Bill: Yes.

 

 

Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011

 

 

 

 

Back-To-School-Night or: Why We're Making Brianna a Bubble-Wrap Outfit

Monday night was Back to School Night for the Middle Schoolers.  I would have to be at work all day, and then go back for two hours in the evening to welcome the new students and their parents.  The night before, I had created a minute-by-minute schedule of the day so that everyone in my family would be exactly where they needed to be when they needed to be there. 

 

First I left everyone at home sleeping while I went to the teacher in-service day at school.  Eight hours later, I came home and found that no one had gone to the grocery store so we had no milk, no one had taken out the garbage, no one had done dishes and no one had taken out the hamburger to thaw for dinner.  Also, apparently, no one had seen my list of THINGS TO DO TODAY.

 

I found the list, handed it to Bill and the kids and went upstairs to try to find my lost school files before the Back To School Night presentation I was supposed to give in 90 minutes. 

 

The schedule for the day stated that it was imperative that we all eat dinner five minutes ago and then send Sam to shower so he could put on his coolest outfit to go see all his friends when the seventh graders came to meet their teachers.  Instead, 20 minutes before I was supposed to leave, the kids were all outside, Sam was still playing, and leftovers were being reheated for dinner.  I finally found the lost file.

 

I was about to change into the professional-but-not-stuffy outfit I had planned when Bill called up the stairs, calmly, “Um, Babe?  We’re going to the emergency room…” 

 

WHAT?!?!  There is no time for emergency room in The Schedule!

 

Wait!  I mean, Oh no!  What’s wrong!  (Sorry, momentary mommy lapse…)

 

I raced down the stairs to find my eldest son (still in his play clothes, still not having eaten dinner) with blood gushing out of a gash in his chin.  “Yup,” I agreed, “You’re going to the emergency room.” 

 

Bill whisked him away, and I grabbed my phone.  Who do I know that is NOT a middle school teacher OR a middle school parent and therefore free this evening to watch the other five kids?!?!!?  Thankfully, a good friend was free and willing!  She is pregnant and due next month, so I told her to think of this as boot camp and yelled directions over my shoulder as I dashed out the door…

 

“Don’t let Gabby play with the hamsters unsupervised!”

“Make sure you count them all when they’re done playing!” (I meant the hamsters, but I guess it works either way.)

“When in doubt just turn on the TV!”

“Popsicles are an outside food!”

“Good Luck!”

 

I raced into Back To School Night only 5 minutes late, wearing 2 different shoes.  I’m 90% certain that no one noticed and 100% certain that no one was going to mention it to The-Crazy-Lady-Wearing-Two-Different-Shoes-Who-May-Be-In-Charge-Of-My-Child’s-Education.

 

Bill brought Sam to Back to School Night a half hour late and with five stitches.  He was “totally psyched” to show his friends how tough he was.

 

After the event ended, Bill and I came home to find our friend, all five other children and all four hamsters.  She had survived!

 

“So, were you guys good?” I asked the children.  “Do you think she still wants to have kids?”

 

“Well,” said Emily, “I think we were okay…but it’s too late for her to change her mind anyway!”

 

This ER trip marks the fifth out of our six kids to go to the hospital in the past calendar year:  Levi went when he bit through his tongue on vacation last September.  Emily went when she broke her arm roller skating. Gabby went when we thought she had appendicitis (but she actually had constipation).  Hannah went when a cut on her arm became infected. 

 

We decided that it was time to make Brianna a bubble-wrap outfit and force her to wear a helmet at all times.  Just to be safe…

 

First Day - maybe the cool shoes will distract everyone from the five stitches in his chin...

 

 

Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011

 

 

Timeline of the Last Day of My Summer Vacation

Warning: This is a true story.  Around 2pm, I realized that I wasn’t going to beat this day, so I just started writing it all down.  I can’t make this stuff up.

 

7:11am – Awake alone.  Husband away on business.  Have slept approximately 3 hours, up all night looking for Freakin’ Hamster.

 

7:20am – Children awake.  Bombarded with questions:  Have I found hamster?  Is Bill home yet?  What’s for breakfast?  Can we go to the waterpark?  No. No. Eggs. Yes.

 

7:40am – Check for signs of  Freakin’ Hamster.  Locate tracks in flour left for surveillance.  Tracks lead…everywhere.  Gross.  Clean up flour. Make breakfast.

 

To Do:  Find Freakin’ Hamster, find bathing suits, buy milk.

 

8:20am – Forget to take out chicken to thaw for dinner.  I don’t realize this until much, much later.

 

8:30am –  Husband calls – not home at lunchtime as planned.  Now home for dinner.  Rearrange day.  Tell kids.  Offer more syrup in exchange for happier faces.

 

9:00am – Laundry, dishes, clean house, lay out clothes for school, shopping list, coffee, look for Freakin’ Hamster.

 

9:30am- Receive text message from Manhattan Sister re: Horrors of Hamster Ownership.  Reply that I have already purchased Freakin’ Hamsters.  Oops.

 

10:00am – Must have been distracted when doing laundry: Discover flip-flop, $12 and car keys in washing machine.  No hamster, though.

 

11:00am – Receive letters from school.  All three nine-year-olds have the same teacher.  They are happy!  I am happy!  (Only one batch of cupcakes on each holiday!  Only one math assignment for me to figure out each night!)

 

To do: Write nice note to teacher.  Good Luck.  Perhaps buy gift??

 

12:00noon – Settle negotiations: Children want waterpark now!  I want grocery store now! Still no Freakin’ Hamster.

 

12:30 – Drop off children at Water Park.  Promise to run errands quickly and return.  Be safe!  Don’t forget to reapply your sunscreen!

 

12:35pm – Dash into grocery store.  Grab milk because we’re out, strawberries because the ones I bought yesterday are already rotten and wine because.

 

1:00pm – Purchase live trap from man laughing at me at farm store.

 

1:30pm – Discover that directions for said trap are located inside it, and I can’t open it to get them out.  Give up.

 

To do: Write letter to live trap company re: directions for how to open cage are inside cage!!! 

 

1:35pm – While preparing for the waterpark, aka public place where I will need to wear a bathing suit, receive call from husband.  Now not home until after bedtime.  Rearrange day.  Cry.

 

2:45pm – Discover that, upon arrival home from the grocery store, I remembered to put the wine in the refrigerator, but not the milk.  It is 90 degrees.

 

3:00 – Arrive at waterpark.  Children are ecstatic to see me and then promptly forget that I exist.  Take opportunity to read book in sun.

 

4:00 – Discover, in no particular order, swim bag infested with ants, husband’s ex-wife has arrived, and raccoon-like suntan lines are appearing on face.

 

To Do:  Reapply sunscreen.  Kill ants.  Lose 20 pounds.

 

5:00pm – Receive text from pregnant friend regarding whether or not the trap has worked.  Inform her that no, it has not, in part because I cannot open it due to the instructions being trapped inside.  Ask her, “Doesn’t mommyhood sound exciting?”  Explain that mood may be due to being trapped at waterpark in bathing suit with husband’s ex.

 

To do: Consider slight amount of sugarcoating for those uninitiated to parenting.

 

6:00pm - Announce to children that it is time to go home.  Do not give in to “awww”s or “do we have to?”s  until husband’s ex offers to drive them home in an hour.  Consider possibility of making dinner without children yelling.  Agree.  Thank.

 

6:15pm - Start chicken defrosting.  Run down to sort laundry.  Simultaneously send text message.  Discover I do not have enough hands to carry laundry and iphone upstairs.  Put iphone in front of shirt.  Discover I am wearing bathing suit cover-up but no bathing suit, therefore no support.  Iphone crashes to floor.

 

6:16pm – Hold breath and discover that husband’s decision to purchase impenetrable steel case for iphone was a good idea. 

 

6:30 Receive email: “Hope you enjoyed your relaxing summer! Are you excited for school tomorrow?”  Oh yes, very relaxing. And No. Not Ready.

 

6:40pm – Discover that defrosting chicken has leaked all over microwave.  Clean microwave.  Drink wine. 

 

6:45pm- Children arrive home - loudly.  Hamster?!?! No.  Pizza?!?!? No.  Towels, swimsuits and sunscreen all over the living room floor?  Probably.

 

6:50pm – Garbage disposal is clogged.  Pray it is not hamster.  Nope.  Just a sock. 

 

6:51pm – A sock?!?!

 

7:00pm - Discover dishwasher not run after lunch.  Set table with paper plates.

 

7:15pm - Present flawlessly executed plate of “Hannah Chicken” (a recipe with a remarkable number of intricate steps, especially considering that it was created by a then-five-year-old.)

 

7:16pm – Discover that chicken is not cooked all the way.  Return to oven.  Reply No, we can’t just have pizza.  Drink Wine.

 

To Do: Read Rachel Ray’s 30 minute meals and that other one about the sneaky foods and see if possible to combine.  Find Freakin’ Hamster.

 

8:00pm – race through showers and bedtime routine.  Still no Freakin’ Hamster.  Remember back to last week – was it just last week? – when I was so bored I was watching toddlers and cupcakes and brides on television.  Why didn’t I appreciate that when I could, instead of whining?

 

8:40pm – Dishes. Put away leftovers for Bill – he should be home any minute, right?!? – Overturn cherry tomato container accidentally.  Find all but one tomato, which has rolled under the fridge.  Wonder whether hamsters like tomatoes?

 

8:55pm – Finally figure out trap!  Set.  Pray.

 

9:00pm – Bill calls.  He will be home in 4 hours.  Will I still be up?  Yes!  Of course!  Can’t wait to see him.  Put children to bed.  Begin watching DVR’d Cupcake Wars episode.  Or was it Kate Plus Eight?

 

6:00am – Alarm sounds for first day of school.  Find snoring husband.  Appears I did not make it those 4 hours.  Summer is over.

 

6:01am – Discover empty hamster trap.  Freakin’ Hamster…

 

Only 396,000 more minutes until it is summer vacation again.

 

*No hamsters were harmed in the making of this story.  

 

Epilogue:

Charlie the hamster was trapped by my super-hero-husband in a humane, pain-free, live-trap three days later.  He re-joined his brothers in the hamster cage, creating much squealing, jumping and general chaos from our four daughters.

 

Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011

Wordless Wednesday - August 17, 2011

A Year in Review

We made it.  We aren’t newlyweds anymore.  Our first anniversary was last weekend.  So here’s a recap of the last year:

 

August 2010:

            We woke up married on the first day of August.  After our families left town, we settled in to life of happy - chaos, and went to the grocery store every single day.  We signed the kids up for soccer and started spending every Saturday at the fields.  I started my new job and realized I actually liked teaching sixth grade, even though it was an enormous change from elementary school and some of the kids were taller than I.  I went to my very first county fair, picked up meat from a packing plant (where I was surprised to find an actual cow!) and was introduced to my new country girl life.  It was quite the adjustment!

 

September 2010:

            We took our first family vacation to the Black Hills of South Dakota.   While there, we made our first trip to the emergency room when Levi fell off a picnic bench and bit his tongue in half!  When we returned home, I upped the craziness factor by volunteering to be the Girl Scout leader for the big girls.  At our first event, rollerskating, Emily broke her arm, sending us to the ER for the second time that month.  September also brought my birthday, our first Jewish holiday away from my parents, and Brady, our new Golden Retriever. 

October 2010:

            We finished soccer and started basketball, overlapping for one completely insane Saturday.  We celebrated our first family Halloween. Gabriella decided that she absolutely HAD to be corn.  Corn?!? After scouring every available option for purchase, we ended up making the costume ourselves – and then she won the costume contest at the mall.

 

November 2010:

            In November, my kids went to their dad’s house for our first-ever holiday apart.  Bill’s kids would also spend Thanksgiving with their mom this year.  The Bunch celebrated Thanksgiving early with our new “family,” friends we’d made since moving to South Dakota.  Then, on the real Thanksgiving, Bill and I took our Honeymoon trip to Jamaica!  Five days of rum punch and beach helped ease the pain of being away from our kids on Thanksgiving…

 

December 2010:

            My kids taught Bill’s kids about Hannukah.  Bill’s kids taught my kids about Christmas.  We celebrated the twins’ birthday with a Rock Star Diva Party.  In short, it was present-palooza.  We attended 6 holiday concerts and baked cupcakes for 4 school holiday parties.  We prepared for our first airplane trip!  We planned to take the kids to New York for 5 days to celebrate the New Year with my East Coast Family.  Our trip was delayed by 3 days because of a humungous snowstorm, which increased the ever-growing insanity as we made our way across the country.  We vowed never again to travel in the winter with six kids. 

 

January 2011:

            After giving the kids a whirlwind tour of NYC, we flew home again in time to resume school.  We started ice skating lessons – chaos on ice – and archery.   We got more and more snow and the temperature in our town never once got above zero.  I started collecting scarves and mittens.   The kids stopped thinking that snow was fun.  We couldn’t use our front door for the whole month because the snow covered it.

 

 

February 2011:

            We celebrated our first Valentine’s Day by sharing pink chocolate fondue with all six kids.  We added Volleyball to our list of activities, causing us to have to move to a larger calendar in order to keep track of everyone’s daily events.  Nana and Pop came to visit and we sent the icicle versions of them home a week later. 

 

March 2011:           

            In March we celebrated Gabby’s 5^th birthday with a Cowgirl Birthday Party and Sam’s 11^th with an “I’m-to-cool-for-a-theme” Party that involved pop and Cheetos getting ground into the playroom carpet and several preteen girls on cell phones in our living room.   Bill’s parents surprised us on a day that was both “National No Housework Day” AND “National Beer Day,” which turned out kind of funny.  We took six kids to the circus. March also marked the second time the kids left for a week to visit their dad.  This time there was no Jamaica to distract me and it was just plain hard.  March was also the start of the Girl Scout Cookie Sale, which took over my life for about a month.  We ate more than we sold and I threatened not to be the leader next year unless someone helped.  Bill threatened not to be my husband next year if I tried to do it alone again.  I started blogging and wrote the first chapter of a book.  Bill decided I had officially lost it. 

 

April 2011:

 By April, basketball and ice-skating were over, so we signed the kids up for language classes.  They learned to count to 10 in French, Chinese and Spanish, and that’s about it. We celebrated Passover and Easter as only the Bunch could.  Things started to calm down, or maybe we were just getting used to the chaos.  By the end of the month, it was almost possible to go out of the house without a down parka and insulated ski mask… but it hadn’t stopped snowing yet.  

 

May 2011:

In May, we celebrate Brianna’s 9^th birthday with a Minute-to-Win-It Party, Levi’s 4^th birthday with a race car party, and the last day of school by starting to pack for our summer adventures.   It was weird to end school while it was still sweater-weather outside, but we were happy to have made it through our first year of school in a new place!

 

June 2011:

 We took another family vacation – this time to stay at my parents’ house in Massachusetts for a month!  The kids had lots of adventures and spent some quality time with Nana and Pop. We went to the Mayflower, Fenway Park, The Science Museum, Cape Cod, The New England Aquarium, Codzilla and the Swan Boats.  We coined the term: “You Got Blended,” and used it frequently.  I put my three children on a plane with their father and said good-bye for the rest of the summer, before flying back home with Bill and his three. 

 

July 2011:

Bill and I spent quality time with his kids who now have a wonderful week on/week off schedule between our house and their mom’s.  We were able to take trips back and forth to all sorts of very exciting places – like Broadus, Montana, and Riverton, Wyoming.  We put 10,000 miles on my car and saw 10,000,000 cows, and not much else.  We came back home to spend our first anniversary together in our own home.  With no kids, we had a lot of free time that day and came up with the following numbers to describe our first unbelievable year as a family.

 

This Year In Numbers:

 

-Miles we put on my Honda Pilot:  18,000

 

-Towns we drove through with population less than 1000: 74

 

-Emergency room visits: 5

 

*Facebook - 5 hours in the urgent care, one Payless-Zebra-print-high-heele​d-wearing-googling Nurse and a great big giant shot later and Hannah's infection is under control. Just a disclaimer: I have nothing against Payless OR Zebra print high-heels. Neither, however, inspired confidence this afternoon...

 

Times I’ve embarrassed myself in front of the neighbors: 3 (that I know of)

 

Photographs I’ve taken: 9,000

 

Photographs I’ve scrapbooked: 9

 

Times I’ve said, “Shhhh”: 8,947,216

 

Times I’ve glared at strangers for saying, “Shhhhh” to my kids:  298

 

Dates: 15

 

Family Vacations: 3

 

Vacations alone with Bill: 1

 

States we’ve visited: 9

 

Foreign Countries visited: 1

 

Family Sick Days: 22

 

Times we actually got dinner on the table by 5:00: 46

Birthday Parties: 6

Sporting events we’ve watched:  321

Number of gates at our airport: 1

 

Number of times I’ve walked through that gate: 8

 

Visits from the tooth fairy: 16

 

Gallons of milk: 300

 

Cartons of eggs: 64

 

Grocery Store Trips: 104

 

Chances we would trade any of it for the world: 0

 

Copyright © Jody Hoffman 2011